Little Things In Life

An Hour Together {Family Photography}

2012-02-01T19:58:00.000-06:00

So this family is something special.

They're fun. They're beautiful. They love each other. And we rocked great weather late November. She called, I had one slot left, it happened to fit into her schedule. Her husband had the day off work. The kids were out of school. The ominous weather literally lifted as I was driving to meet them. The sun broke through. It was meant to be.

You can't imagine how it was meant to be.

We got some incredible shots as you'll see. I love my clients. And I LOVE what I do. I think there is rich value in catching a moment in time, an hour in time, in the life of a family. Or an individual. You can't ever have that hour back but you CAN see it. Forever. Bridget tells me they have huge canvas prints of our hour together all over their house and jokes that they have their own little shrine! I LOVE THAT.

Fast forward to the second week of January. Just 7 weeks after our photo shoot. Just a couple weeks ago.

Bridget writes:

"I went in with the worst headache ever. The ER doc thought I had an aneurysm. They did an MRI that indeed spotted an aneurysm. They did a CT to double check. That, too showed an aneurysm. We met with the specialist for over 2 hours going over every possibility. Never ONCE was it mentioned that it might be nothing at all. It was a sobering, horrifying appointment, and he is THE aneurysm expert.

"They said I'd need surgery, but when the surgeons got to me, they said it was small enough that I could wait. I went to see an aneurysm specialist who said I needed surgery, and I'd have a 1/20 chance of having a stroke during the surgery. Could be a minor stroke, or a major debilitating stroke. He said that I could choose to either have the surgery right away or have an angiogram to make the best surgical plan. I chose to have the angiogram, which gives a view of the aneurysm from every angle. This test showed that it was not an aneurysm, but an infundibulum, which is completely benign, and not in need of surgical intervention at all.

"The story is even crazier because I was pointing exactly to the spot where the "aneurysm" was when showing the doctors where my pain was located. The headaches have gone away, and I feel so blessed to have received so many prayers and a breathtaking amount of support in what was easily the most insane week of my entire life. Thank God I didn't choose to just have the surgery, right? I still can't process all of it. I am so glad that the headaches went away, and we are all doing well! I don't know what else to think about my experience besides GOD IS GOOD."

A couple of days ago I ran into sweet Bridget and her brave husband, Dave, and gave her the biggest hug. She was alive and well. And standing right in front of me. Amazing.

Anyway, you know what she said to me the minute we hugged?

"Alysa, the minute the doctor told me I was going in for surgery and that Dave was to go get the kids and bring them to the hospital, I thought, "Thank God I had my family pictures taken last month. At least they will have those."

Crazy how our brain works in the midst of panic, and yet the reality is, had she not pulled through, her children would have at the very least, had very current pictures of their stunningly beautiful mother. Hugging each of them. Loving on them. There would have been NO doubt that their mother was crazy in love with each of them.

She was SO grateful for the current photos they had of their family. Together.

All five of them.

Aren't you glad this story has a happy ending? I sure am. I'm not gonna lie. I cried the whole time I typed this post and read her emails.

Here's just a very little taste of our time together the day before Thanksgiving, 2011.

And so, I do love a story that ends happily-ever-after.

And I do love Bridget's big heart for her adorable family.

May they have many more decades together.

Love. Through thick and thin.

{There are a few other photos over on my Water Street Dreams Facebook page. Look under "M" family in the photos section. If you like what you see I'd love it if you 'liked' my page.}

Dance Like No One Is Looking {WW}

2012-01-31T13:09:00.000-06:00

This is one of those posts that I hesitate to write. Not because I don't want to share it, but simply because I really don't want this to be a "look at me" thing. And yet I'm excited to share, too, because I've been working really, really hard. And so I share. Hopefully to encourage others. To motivate. To offer up hope from a fellow struggler.

Today I hit the 25 pounds LOST marker.

Right on the dot.

It feels SO hopeful to already be at 25 pounds lost and it's only January. Bathing suit season is still several months away.

OH HAPPY DAY.

I still have a bunch to lose, but I'm not focusing on that today.

I'm focusing on the every-day journey I've taken over the past 3 months. Through Thanksgiving, through the Christmas season and all its parties. Through New Year's Eve.

It took one day piled onto another day piled onto another day of good choices that got me to this point.

And as I've said before, if I can do this,

YOU CAN TOO.

I PROMISE.

I'M SO SERIOUS AND SO HOPEFUL FOR YOU.

And your struggle might not be a weight journey. It might be a journey of changing other bad habits in your life. Or of changing your attitude or how you relate to someone in your life.

But whatever your struggle, I just know you can do it.

In my Weight Watchers meeting this morning I was asked to share a bit about how I've had this 25 pound loss. I shared how I really do believe the program works. It's do-able. It's sustainable. It makes you change your lifestyle and how you view food. I'm not starving myself. I'm not depriving myself. Over the past 3 months I have had everything that I love to eat. In moderation. I love that Weight Watchers does NOT say that you'll never be able to eat pizza again. Or French fries. Or chocolate chip cookies. It does say that if you eat it, you count for it. You track it and you eat it in moderation.

I find that I have been planning ahead each day so that I'm not just putting mindless calories/food into my body. I bring snacks with me instead of all of a sudden feeling like I'm famished and racing through the closest drive-through because I must.eat.now.

I've been very purposeful about exercising. A lot. I go to the gym regularly. I lift weights. I row. I use machines. I wear a pedometer that tracks the miles I walk each day and I have LOVED that motivation. I'm sure it isn't for everybody, but it is for me. LOVE that tool.

And as always, after I was driving away from the meeting I got to thinking, "Oh, I wish I would have shared this or that."

I wish I would have shared that I have had INCREDIBLE support from my family and friends through this journey. They think I can do this. And when I'm with them they make healthy food options available so that I have options to eat. They want me to succeed and they're helping me to succeed by not putting huge temptations in front of me. They order salad, too, when we go out to eat. That's huge because if someone else has fries, I WANT FRIES.

I also really wanted to share, but refrained, that I think a huge piece of this weight loss journey for me has been God showing up. People are praying for me. I'm praying for myself. And I believe that God answers prayers. I really believe that with all my heart.

And so, with 25 pounds off my body I might just go turn up the music and dance a little jig in my living room, because, well, the jiggling will be 25 pounds less. Which is a really good thing. And no one is around and they say that we're supposed to dance like no one is looking.

So if you drive by my house and see a crazy person dancing around like a maniac, you'll know who it is.

Just nod and keep driving.

2012 Off To a Great Start {Chicago family photographer}

2012-01-30T20:42:00.000-06:00

This little family is delightful.

I'm telling you, Mom Katie has been SUCH a great client. From a maternity shoot to a newborn session to a Fall Mini Session, she keeps comin' back! And that makes a photographer feel really great. She has also sent more business my way this past year than any other client. And so, as a "Thank you" to her, this session was on me! Thrilled to give back to such a lovely family.

Little "P" was 6 months old a few weeks ago, so we did a few portraits of him. Talk about a 'chunk-o-love' ... Seriously, you just wanna squeeze his happy little face.

Okay little man, you SLAY me. Seriously, this should be blown up to as big-as-possible. He is SO CUTE!

So here's a little hilarious blooper on MY part. {Something that won't happen again.} I guess we all make professional blunders from time-to-time.

So photo shoots in the winter with little wee ones are a bit tricky in Chicago, so I was on the hunt for a great indoor option with great lighting. And, I found it. I checked it out ahead of time. Seemed great. It was huge with lots of cool colors and textures in the furniture. Great lines. Great potential. Modern but warm. It really was the coolest place.

Ready, set, go.

So Katie, her mom and the kids met me there. And, we all know how painstaking it is to actually get kids out the door and bundled up in the winter. So there we were, taking our photos, and Mr. Security Guard comes up and asks what we're doing and I tell him and he's like, "Oh, you can't take pictures here. Professional photographers are not allowed."

"What? Seriously?" It truly never even crossed my mind to ask about taking photos in a huge convention center/hotel. {Now that I think about it, it probably should have but I spaced I guess.} I mean, people are always taking photos in that setting, right? I certainly would have thought to ask in other venues, without a doubt. But this setting, was truly just off my radar. It's like saying you can't take pics at Disney World. What?

And so, I apologized profusely, tucked my tail between my legs and we quickly came up with Plan B. Over to their house. A great option, but I was so disappointed to not shoot at the hotel.

Live and learn I suppose. And again, just so grateful that Katie was gracious about my mistake. So note to self, always, always, always ask if it's okay to take photos. No matter what the venue. Even at Disney World. Just do it.

Lesson learned.

And here's Big Sister Sweet "C" who turned four this January. Perfect. She is a bundle of energy and I know she is destined for great things. She is big on Fancy Nancy and loves her little brother! Oh, and she's beautiful!

Well, HELLO Miss Personality.

And the last few minutes we headed outdoors. Love the bright colors, Katie! Great choice.

Your "C" girl is beautiful!

And Little Man, stop the cuteness!

2012 is off to a perfect start!

I {dot dot dot}

2012-01-29T23:21:00.000-06:00

So as I was walking on the treader a week or so ago, I thought I might just do a random post starting each sentence with "I ..." and then I'd say something. Not sure why.

I ... would like to be eating an M &M blizzard right this very minute.

I ... rather think we have some fun stories, that Jack man and me.

{As I was saying ...}

I ... enjoy watching Biggest Loser. Probably my favorite show and the only one I watch regularly. {We're very into The Waltons on dvd so if we watch tv at night, we usually pop in one of those episodes.}

I ... find that when others are eating really yummy food that I'd like to be eating, if I can at least drink a Diet Coke, then I'm able to say no to the food. {It helps me cope.}

I ... like to work out on the eliptical stair stepper - my favorite machine to work out on. And yours?

I ... dream of a day when all my extra weight is off and I look good in a bathing suit. {Vain, I know.}

I ... strongly dislike that my hair grows so quickly and that the grey is right up front. {Irritating.}

I ...wonder if anyone else out there in America {or Canada or England or Australia} does not have a dish washing machine. I'm actually really okay with the fact that I don't but I can't think of another person I know that doesn't have one. Anyone?

I ... think I'm a bit looney. When I burp and I'm alone, I still say, out loud, "Excuse me." TO no-one in particular. {Weird.}

I ... am lovin' this organizing idea {See here.}

I ... celebrated my 30th birthday in Tokyo AND Hawaii. I love the International Date Line.

I ... often wish I had about 3 more hours in each day. Then I would maybe, just maybe, be caught up.

I ... could SQUEEZE her little chubs all day long. I can't believe Sweet Sweets is 9 now.

I ... big-time heart flowers. Most all of them.

I ... have been fired before. Twice. No way you say. Yes way I say. There's a good blog post idea. Curious?

I ... ran two 5k's. Ran being the key word in that sentence. And really never ever got to where I enjoyed running.

I ... usually have several books on the go at the same time. Thanks to my dad for that.

I ... love this picture of my mom and Grandma Gregory.

I ... have to write everything down or I don't remember.

I ... laugh at the same things that my brother laughs at. And I like that.

I ... refuse to pick up dog poop. That's disgusting, people.

I ... try hard to apologize when I mess up.

I ... LOVE our church. LOVE IT.

I ... enjoy public speaking. I think that puts me in the minority.

I ... really don't like debating or arguing. In fact, hate would be the term I would use.

I ... fear snakes and while I don't like spiders, I can at least deal with them. Snakes, nope.

I ... think my grandma was pretty cool. I really wish she could have met my children.

I ... prefer baking to cooking. And I prefer eating out to all of the above.

I ... rock the crock. As in crock pot. I'm 4 weeks of menu planning in a row thanks to the crocker.

I ... was recently asked what was the most courageous thing I've ever done. And I have a cool story to tell about that. Now to remember to tell it. Someone remind me?

I ... seriously have AMAZING friends. I love my friends.

I ... doubt anyone but my mother could pull off this hat. Amazing.

I ... say "Excuse me" if I burp {or toot} when I am alone. Out loud. To no one but myself. Therapy?

I ... really love random things about people. I'd love to see your list of I {dot, dot, dot...}

The end.

2012 Word Of The Year

2012-01-27T09:31:00.000-06:00

So as I mentioned over in this post, January snuck up on me and I hadn't given one minute of thought to what my "Word of the Year" would be for twenty-twelve.

Since then I've been thinking about it, praying about it, wondering about it. And as always, things line up and a word sort of emerges in various circumstances. It's so weird. I mean, out of nowhere a particular word will pop up in conversation. And then I'll be reading in my Bible and that same word will show up somewhere else. And then I'll be listening to a sermon and the word will be used. It's bizarre.

So here's my word for 2012:

GENTLE.

Be gentle. Have a gentle spirit. Speak with gentleness. In my mind it goes right along with calm. And quiet.

Sort of out in left-field, I know. But I believe this is the word I'm supposed to focus on this year. The character trait I think God wants me to develop.

Maddie and I are doing this 8 dates thing that talks about true beauty and God's definition of beauty {as opposed to what the world says is beautiful} and a couple weeks ago we read this verse together. 1 Peter 3:3-4

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment ... INSTEAD, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Hmmm. Gentleness and a quiet spirit are beautiful and of great worth in God's sight.

I want that. I need that. So that's what I'm asking God to work on in me this year. I always want to be growing and changing for the better and so this year. Until the day I die.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

Colossians 3:12

Where Does It All Come From?

2012-01-25T13:14:00.000-06:00

It's as if, in the middle of the night, the plastic junk in the kids' rooms multiplies. I mean, truly, they end up with more gidgets and gadgets than I can possibly imagine. Does this happen in your home?

Anyway, Jack took the kids out sledding Saturday so it was the perfect time to purge, purge, purge. If you promise to keep a secret I'll let you know that in Jackson's room alone I threw out TWO GARBAGE BAGS FULL OF CRAP. Not little Target-sized bags. BIG TRASH BAGS. There were stuffed animals and old games that were missing parts and puzzles that were from when he was two. And plastic upon plastic knicky-knack.

And I changed his sheets and I swept the floor and I organized and it felt SO good.

Here's the before on Jackson's room:

And here's the after {and honestly, I'd throw out 90% of what is left but I think he'd notice so I refrained, as tough as it was!}:

And next up, Maddie's room. When she's in school next week. Because we all know that you can't have a good purge-fest if the chillin' are around.

Note: I tackled Maddie's room Tuesday. Hers took over 2 hours. That.MUCH.junk. And again, I would throw 90% of what is left away ... but, I didn't.

Here's the before:

Blurry closet shot.

Here's the two garbage bags of trash (from Maddie's room alone. YIKES.}So if you're good at math, that's FOUR GARBAGE BAGS OF CRAP FROM THE KIDS' ROOMS.

I might need to do this more often.

And here's the after:

Seriously, folks, what has gotten into me?

From Vision to Fruition {An Old Worn Out door/window/frame}

2012-01-24T11:43:00.002-06:00

So I found an old cabinet door frame {or maybe it was an old window?} two years ago in someone else's trash. {Secret confession: I am ALWAYS on the lookout for furniture type things that people throw away that, in my estimation, have great potential. I live by the motto, "One man's trash, another man's treasure!"}

I just KNEW it could be turned into something wonderful. So I grabbed 4 of them that were together on the curb and crammed them into my trunk and brought them home.

And there they sat, much to Jack's chagrin, for two years. I would get inspired, prep them for painting, get distracted and they would sit for a month, and then they would somehow disappear and end up back under our back porch. It was one of those secret little irritations in our marriage. Shhhhh.

In November I was checking one of the blogs I love to follow (here) and she had this incredible idea for chicken wire and an old frame. She made a 'thankful' board of sorts but I thought, hmmmmmmm, that will go nicely for my vision of an entire wall of colorful photos and white frames.

And so, I merged two 'in-my-mind' projects. I headed to The Home Depot, stumbled upon Jason who led me to the chicken wire department and purchased a $4.00 roll of chicken wire. {Who knew they even sold chicken wire except in farming communities?} And then, here's where I get really proud of myself. I found all the right tools in Jack's tool room, and all by very lonesome, I created this project. And well, I sort of lie, because at an incredibly critical point Jack stepped in and used his precision to pull the whole thing off.

You see, I'm, what shall I say, not so precise. I mean, if I were to do the project, as long as the frames were actually up on the same wall in the same room, I'd consider it a job well done. But, when things need to line up nicely, with correct spacing in-between, then Jack is my go-to-guy. He is SO good at making things look straight and level and perfect. Me, not so much. We're a good team like that. I come up with the work and he does the work. Seems like a win-win to me???

So....

What started as a blank wall in our kitchen is now this:

And I LOVE it. My goal will be to change out the photos from time to time, and also, when a mood strikes, to change out the things hanging from my chicken wire. Perhaps words that we're trying to work on or photos that are inspiring, or meaningful quotes or a thankful wall come next November. The potential is there.

And I have to say, this sort of project is SO perfect for me. Because I can change it up {because I do love me some good change} and yet not have to completely overhaul an entire area ... it's the best of both worlds.

Consistent change, meet steady white frames.

Last Year's Word: A recap {Obedience}

2012-01-23T21:29:00.000-06:00

Before I can get to this year's word {2012}, which is coming soon, I wanted to recap on last year's word - obedience.

This is just a snippet of what I wrote last January:

"Here's the bottom line. As hard as this might be, I do want to grow; in my relationship with Jesus, in my relationship with others, in areas that will improve my health, both physically and emotionally and mentally. I don't want to be stagnant. I don't want to be the same Alysa today as I was five years ago; growth is important to me."

I also wrote: "OBEDIENCE. And by obedience, I mean, being obedient to God, His Word, and what He would want me to do this year. I can tell you right now the tangible thing I know He is asking me to do. He's asking me to be obedient in getting healthy. In taking care of my body. In eating better and exercising more. I start this year with lots of HOPE that I can lose more of the weight that needs to be lost. There were plenty of times this past year when I would plateau in my weight loss. And the reality was, I would plateau because I wasn't being obedient. I wasn't doing the hard work. I was eating the extra cookies knowing that was not the right choice."

And so as I reflect on twenty-eleven I think there was some growth. Definitely. In all honesty, I don't think as much growth happened at the beginning of the year as did over the last few months, but that's okay - as long as it happens, right? I think by the time the summer came around I was just plain worn out.

I couldn't get my act together. I'd start with watching what I was eating and then before long I'd give up. Lacked hope. Lacked determination. Lacked obedience.

And if we're being brutally honest, I'm not sure I gave my word much thought this past year. Not sure why. I think it just slipped off my radar. Lame, I know. But that's okay.

I will say that as I reflect on the past few months, since October 18th when I walked in the doors of Weight Watchers, I have seen a marked difference in my obedience level. Something inside kicked into gear and I have had a sense of urgency in obeying God and getting healthy. In stopping with the excuses. In taking the time to take care of myself.

Not sure why, but having a really hard time coming up with much to say about this so perhaps I will close by saying that as I've walked in obedience the past few months it has opened up such a sense of freedom. Freedom to be me. Freedom to take care of me. Freedom to be the gal that God wants me to be. He wants me to be healthy. He wants me to look in the mirror and like who He made me to be. He wants me to encourage others by sharing my struggles and journey.

He wants me to be obedient and He knows the end result of obedience. A deep sense of joy and freedom, surrounded by the Hope that He offers.

So I will continue on the path of obedience, specifically in regards to my health and taking care of this "bod" He gave me.

I suppose that obedience really is a life-long thing.

A journey that has freedom as one of its great rewards.

Here's to continuing on the path of obedience.

Contentment In My Kitchen

2012-01-22T21:29:00.000-06:00

Funny thing happened this week as I was chopping and sauteing and boiling and crock potting.

I felt a blanket of special contentment envelop me. I was working in my kitchen but I was relaxed. Those two usually don't go hand-in-hand. There was joy I could touch. I caught myself smiling and sighing and saying a little "Thank you Lord" under my breath.

If I'm honest, it's the first time in quite some time that I have felt that in my own home doing home stuff. I feel content and joy-filled when I'm on a photography shoot. Or when I'm upstairs in my delicious scrapbook room, creating something with paper and photos and ribbon and colour. Or when I'm driving down the road, alone, listening to great music. Or when I'm on an organizing frenzy in my home. Or when I'm reading a book to one of my kids, under the heated throw blanket, on the couch, with lamp light. Or when I'm at a restaurant with a friend, listening and chatting and chatting and listening. Or when I'm sitting around with girlfriends, hearing what is moving them, what is challenging them. Or when my hubby and I are watching The Waltons, episode after moving episode. Overall, I really do feel contented.

But not usually when I'm doing mommy/house management duties. Those tend to wear me out. De-energize. I think I often see them as just that; duties. Requirements.

But this particular Tuesday morning I felt alive. I was working for my family and it felt deep-down good. Fulfilling. Rewarding. Enjoyable.

I think I'm finding that perhaps I'm selfish. Who are we kidding? I don't 'think', I know. A whole lot of selfish. And so it has taken me some time to work my way into the right attitude about this 24/7 thing called mothering.

This year I want to fully live. Don't you, too? Soaking in every hour of every day. Savouring each experience instead of seeing so many of my experiences as duties, jobs to do, tasks to manage. Squishing in as much goodness and kindness into each minute so that I have no regrets.

I don't want to look back on these years of my life and think that I was in survival mode for a decade or two. And honestly, that's how I tend to feel. Surviving to get to creating/dreaming time.

You see, part of me was made to fly and flit about and change and pursue and dream, dream, dream. So when I'm caught up in the 24/7 ness of mothering, it sometimes feels stifling to me. And yet, I think it goes back to the perspective thing. If I looked at mothering like I looked at an upcoming photo shoot, I would see the endless possibilities. I would welcome the challenges. I would love the work of it.

I think the older I get the more I realize that so much of life really is in how I perceive. My expectations. My attitude. It starts in the mind, I do believe.

And so as I've journeyed the rest of this week, I have caught myself back on Tuesday morning where I found contentment in my kitchen. May I have many, many more of those moments in the coming days. In fact, I'm hopeful that contentment will race through my entire home and become part of each day. Always. Forever and ever.

Carpe Diem.

And I just happened upon Mr. Lion and thought, "See, he's seizing the day. He's racing to the next house and up the steps to ring the doorbell."

He's excited.

And alive.

And delightful.

I wanna be those things, too!

Your Home Is A Castle Tonight {Guest Post 1}

2012-01-20T12:32:00.000-06:00

*I've been so excited to share my first "Guest Post" with you. What a way to start this new blogging adventure! Hopefully you will be moved with compassion as a result of my friend sharing, from her heart. The post below is written and photographed by her {she would like to remain anonymous so that the God gets the credit}.

***********************************************

Last Thursday we had our first significant snowfall of the season--almost a foot. As we were dining at our usual Thursday-night haunt, the Mexico Restaurant, we struck up a conversation with a local homeless woman, with whom we have had some previous conversations; she's a Thursday night regular, too.

At the end of the year, we gave our friends at the Mexico Restaurant some money to pay for some meals, as they usually feed her for free. Since then, we've been praying for her, and how to serve her.

Actually, we have been praying for her for three years, when we first met her in the library parking lot stairwell on the Fourth of July. She was searching out a resting spot, as we searched for higher grounds to take in the holiday spectacle. As we passed her, we chatted casually, her urine-soaked scent chasing me through the corridor, and clouding my ability to focus on what she was saying.

That was the first time my son encountered a homeless person, a standout in our middle-class, blue-collar suburb. Since that night, my son and I have been quietly yet steadily adding pennies, dimes, and quarters as well as a few dollar bills to a small coin bank for a day in which we might actually meet again—and treat her to a meal, perhaps. A relationship had been born—at least some heart currency was invested.

So on the night of the storm, I struck up my usual casual conversation with the woman—whose name I still didn’t know. She was just the homeless woman with the blue coat and hoary straw hair. Through the conversation, we learned she wasn't able to get to her typical Thursday night PADS site, a few suburbs and county away. After about 30 seconds, I leaned in toward my husband and asked, “Can she stay in our basement?”He agreed immediately--he was going to ask me, but didn't want to impose. (He knows the angst I have about our small house and having company).

I’m not sure who was more shocked by the invite—Alana (yes, she has a name!), my son, or myself?

After we polished off our tacos and salsa, we brought Alana home and set her up in the Parks B&B. When she entered the home, she broke down in tears. My house, full of unnecessary antiques, spoke “home” to her: “Oh, my mom and dad used to have a piano just like this,” she cried as she tinkered out a tune. “Oh this is just lovely! You are so lucky to live here!” she sputtered through the tears.

After I showed her to her room, I scrubbed the much neglected basement bathroom, cleaning it as if for royalty. The following morning, she broke down in tears again, grateful to not be bathing from a bathroom sink and for shampoo that made her hair shine.

Our home felt like her home—a refuge from the cold, isolation, and daily fight for survival. Our home was growing into its purpose, as my husband, son, and I were growing into ours. The following morning, when I took her a cup of coffee, she said she felt like a queen, sleeping in the most comfortable bed. She’d strap it to her back if she could. Or, if she had the money, she would buy that very room to live in. A laugh-out-loud irony, considering the bedroom is roughly framed, and accoutered with cold concrete floors and walls.

The seemingly common Friday morning hinted at the sacred, as I thought: The Lord slept in my basement last night, and was pleased, and this morning I'm serving him pancakes. It doesn't get much better than this.

God has a great sense of humor--or great timing, as you might call it. This all occurred after a week of feeling particularly sorry for myself and whining about "my small home." That night, after seeking prayer from a close group of friends, one friend pointed out: "Your home is a castle tonight."

I couldn't have put it any better.

After I dropped off Alana at the library the next morning, I went downstairs to clean up the room, tearing up when I saw the bed Alana slept in, full of debris from her unlaundered street clothes. One night of opening our home felt like a paltry sacrifice when I looked ahead to the next 11 months that Alana would struggle to find shelter. The next night, she said, she’d be sleeping on the post office lobby floor. “It’s not that bad,” she tried to convince me with a smile.

An event like this is kind of like finishing your first long run when training for a marathon: something you thought impossible now is possible. The benchmark has been raised. You can do it again. There is no going back to the huffing-and-puffing 5k-days—the “I can’t imagine doing that” days.

Later that morning when I Facebooked my husband, I asked him what all disciples of Christ at some juncture of their spiritual lives ask, “What next?” In his typical matter-of-fact manner, he rhetorically posed, "What did it cost me?" It was tongue-in-cheek; being a disciple is supposed to be costly--at least we're told to consider the cost of discipleship. But both my husband and I are of the same mind: What did we really give up (A little hot water? Clean sheets? Easy, everyday privacy?) And what more did we gain? It's really the Profit of Discipleship.

What’s next is unknown, though I trust God will continue to answer the prayers of a wimp, such as myself, to continue to serve Alana. In fact, He already has. A mere week later—as temps dip to the coldest to date—Alana is again finding refuge in our basement: tossing a load of laundry in the machine; snuggling up under a heated blanked; and guffawing at a classic movie on TMC. Hope rises from the grim of the basement.

That same hope is what has called my husband and I to have Alana stay over once a week--get a good night's rest on a bed, take a hot shower, and enjoy some home cooked food around a family table--at least for the cold winter months. And that piggy bank of money? My son, husband, and I took her to Famous Footwear to buy some boots that will shod her from tomorrow’s fresh mounds of snow.

God is gracious: To invite us to serve. To show His great provision through our provision of others. To be faithful to the three-year-old prayers of a suburban mom begging for courage to do the scary work of following Jesus.

New Blogging Adventure

2012-01-19T22:52:00.000-06:00

For whatever reason and through a variety of different circumstances and venues over the past several weeks, I have been toying with the idea of occasionally inviting a friend or family member to write a post on my blog. There are just so many people that have so many cool stories to share. God is at work and I feel compelled to open up my blog to share stories about others and their encounters with God. How they're growing. What they're learning. Ways they see God at work. Messes redeemed.

Just a week ago tonight (Thursday) we had the incredible privilege of watching, via email, as God did HIS thing in the life of some dear friends of ours and an encounter they had with a homeless woman. After watching this particular story unfold I just felt like the whole world needed to hear their story. It was POWERFUL. So Saturday I contacted my friend because I was desperate for her to share her amazing story. And she said she would.

And then Sunday's sermon dove-tailed beautifully into what I had been thinking about doing with my blog. It was sort of the confirmation that yes, indeed, I need to share stories of Jesus at work. The sermon title: The Story Collector. Hmmmm. I drove away from church thinking, "Yep, I want to listen to, collect, and tell other people's stories. So that God gets all the props."

I have this unique opportunity - my blog - and I want to use it for bigger things. More than just telling my story, or my family's story, although I see rich value in sharing those things. I see my blog as my journal to capture these days, these moments, so that some day my kids will look back and see our lives. Our story. Their story. The raw. The hard. The good. The God moments. The silly. And everything in between. And hopefully by telling our story, it encourages you in living out your story.

Everywhere I turn I keep hearing "story". Maybe it's the catchphrase of Christendom these days. It's certainly a buzz word and I think that's great. I think God is in the business of using our stories to touch other people. To tell His bigger story about how crazy He is for us. How He wants to swoop down into our lives and love and give hope and shower peace and a whole lot of other things.

I keep hearing, over and over again, stories from friends about how they met God in their despair, saw God answer their prayers, experienced God in powerful ways, felt God's presence. And I want others to hear those stories, too.

As Pastor Eric challenged us near the end of his sermon on Sunday, "Figure out how to tell other people's stories." It's as if he was saying, "Um, Alysa, you've been wondering how to use your blog? Be a story collector. Tell other people's stories."

And so, it is with GREAT excitement that tomorrow night I will share the first of hopefully many guest posts. My friend has emailed her story and you are in for a treat. You'll probably cry. You will be moved. And hopefully that movement is one step closer to God. That's her heart's desire, and mine, too!

Menu Planning {Week 2}

2012-01-18T21:16:00.000-06:00

Because it has been a frigid Chicago January day, I thought I'd escape back to Becca's San Diego wedding weekend this past June. What fun it has been to relive that delightful Irian reunion. As an aside, I could live in San Diego. It was beautiful! {I promise to do a nice long post with lots of fun San Diego weekend pictures soon.}

When you get bored, let me know and I'll stop sharing my menu planning, but until then, I thought, "Ahhh, why not? Maybe it'll inspire someone."

So this week, it seems that I over-achieved once again. Not sure why, how, or when this run of energy will plummet {and no doubt it will!} but I menu planned on Sunday afternoon, grocery shopped Sunday evening, and Monday morning, I crock potted.

San Diego had amazing flowers.
Everywhere.
Stunning colors.
Beautiful textures.
LOVED.

Monday - Beef Stroganoff {from the compilation of crock pot recipes I gathered on Facebook. Let me know if you need me to email you a copy - would be happy to share the FABULOUS recipes}

Tuesday - Shepherd's Pie {doubled the recipe and froze extra to pull out some day down the road, when I don't have my act together. And why is it called Shepherd's Pie? Curious.}

Wednesday - Do Over Night {leftovers from Sunday, Monday and Tuesday}

Thursday - ordering Mediterranean food from Hiyam {win-win - I don't have to cook and she earns some money for bills}

Friday - Taco Soup {new crock pot recipe to try}

Saturday - homemade pizzas {Oh yes I did. That is OVER-ACHIEVING at its best, because did you know that frozen pizzas are super cheap and would have been so much easier? But we're goin' for healthy this year, folks. I'll give it one try.}

Sunday - oh I forget but it's something good. I just know it. And it's another crock recipe so that it will be ready for us when we get home from church.

I absolutely loved this flower in all its tissue-paper-like beauty.

And oh how I wish I was, right this minute, following the signs to Becca's vintage wedding reception.

Stay tuned for more San Diego goodness in the coming days. Becca, you were stunning!

Random Indonesia Pics

2012-01-17T20:14:00.000-06:00

*all pictures taken from 1996-1999. Sadly, a lot of the negatives were damaged in the heat so the quality stinks but still thrilled to have these photos.

So for whatever reason, I've been wanting to dig out old Irian Jaya, Indonesia {now called Papua, Indonesia} photos. Just ran upstairs and grabbed my discs and here we are ...

Love the beauty there:

Well hi little man. Aren't you a cutie:

Notice the man, far right back of photo. Love.

My dear friends Heidi and Tori. Oh the memories we made.Remind me to tell you the one of me driving Heidi on a little scooter and driving right through the gate to her parents' house and almost hitting the cement wall. And then there's the night that Tori and I ran for our lives, with knives and pots in hand, to try to help rescue a lady that was being attacked in the little apartment beside ours. Oh boy. That's a good story, too.

My brother, Lenny, came and spent a semester with me and I love that he got to experience my life overseas. Love that.

JD after a long, long, muddy hike!

Such beautiful children:

Waiting to head out to Tanah Merah Inside Beach:

Favorite sign, EVER. Lenny took this in Mulia, at the hospital:

Long live Jonny:

I love everything about this shot, especially the random chicken on the fence:

Love:

Heading out for an early morning deep sea fishing trip. Loved seeing the dolphins jumping alongside our boat. Sadly, I didn't catch any on film. Rats.

Dana, you look hilarious and what is John holding?

See those mountains behind us? Ya, we hiked those over 2 days. Hardest physical thing I have ever in my life done. Including walking across a little rickety bridge with raging rapids underneath us. Thought.I.would.DIE.

So here's the bridge. I remember it as much scarier. But trust me, it was terrifying. {At least for me.}

One of my favorites that I took while in Indonesia:

And one from New Zealand. That country rocks, too.

Thanks for amusing me with letting me post just a few fun photos. I think I'll do this more often.

Maddie's First Winter Camp

2012-01-14T20:25:00.000-06:00

Our little Maddie, who is nine now, is off to church winter camp this weekend. Every time I go past her bedroom {which happens to be adjacent to the kitchen, so that's about a bazillion times a day}, I just do a little half smile, so grateful for that sweet girl of ours.

It doesn't seem like long ago that she was this size:

And here she is nine {and a half next week}.

So Thursday night she came to us and her glasses were broken {the arm thingy} and because they are a special spring-loaded type screw, they're impossible to fix on our own. Let's just say that I wasn't planning on spending an hour and a half trying to solve that little problem on Friday. I honestly don't think I even had lunch I was that busy. {And as a point of reference, I don't ever miss lunch. Any meal for that matter.}

I picked Maddie up after school and we had exactly one hour to pack, cook supper for the boys, and get myself ready because I was going out with some girlfriends last evening. {And because I just had so much time to spare on Friday I thought it would be the perfect time to squeeze in a little home hair dye session. Sometimes I swear I leave my brain in bed when I wake up in the morning. Any hoo.} There were things in the dryer that were still drying that she wanted to bring to camp. We were figuring out gecko instructions in her absence {and no they have not been picked up since she's been gone. Bad mommy.} And I couldn't find the packing list of what she was to bring and not bring and now that I'm thinking about it, I failed to pack a towel, so I guess there's no showering going on. Oh well.

And all of a sudden it was 4pm and we were supposed to be walking out the door at 4:10pm. We made it, because I'm a speed demon of sorts, but just by the hair of our chinny chin chins. And with a whole lot of racing around like crazy people.

So in an effort to be completely real and vulnerable, our house was a WRECK come 4:10pm yesterday. And here's proof.

Dining Room:

Kitchen Floor:

Kitchen counter:

And more:

Living Room:

{And what I failed to show was the bathroom - disaster - and the kids' bedrooms. YIKES.}

So for all the crock potting and bread making and domesticating that I did this week, I just wanted to make sure that you are all very keenly aware that while I might be humming along in one section of my life, for a few days in a row, that usually means the other 12 sections of my life are a wee little bit out of control. {And I think I picked 12 because it's two thousand and twelve.}

We miss our little Maddie. But I can hardly stand how excited I am that she gets to experience winter camp. Learning about God. Being with church friends that love her. Being with the leaders that are AMAZING. Some of my RICHEST life experiences with God were summer and winter and spring camps throughout my growing up years. Truly. No lie. I can't even tell you how big of a part they played in my faith journey. I sort of shutter to think of my life without those experiences.

And so when we read that 4th graders were going to get to go this year, I did a little happy happy joy joy dance.

I can't wait to give that girl a great big hug tomorrow afternoon as she hops off the bus. I've been thinking about her so often since she left. These little people in our lives, they sort of just weasel their way in and we love them with a depth of love that really isn't explainable. Like how God loves us. Bizarre.

Oh, and while it KILLED me, {with a capital KILLED ME} I left my camera at home last night, on purpose, so that I didn't embarrass my sweet daughter. Believe me, I wanted to fully document every single second of her send-off, but I refrained.

And between you, me, and a brick wall, I wish I had snuck it along. I regret that I don't have those pictures, but, I suppose the mental snapshots that I took will have to do.

But you can be guaranteed that I'm bringing it tomorrow for pick up. Sorry 'lil lady, your mama is a photographer!

And so we hear that camp is going well {shout out for Facebook updates from winter camp}. The kids are learning and loving it and we even got a sweet little email from Maddie that said, "I am haveing SO much fun. I love you. Love, Maddie."

Sweet girl. Come home soon. We miss you.

It Tasted Like Bread

2012-01-11T21:37:00.000-06:00

So I'm not going to lie. I might be an idiot. However, with good friends, I can navigate just about anything and I'm relieved Alice intervened on facebook today.

I was so very tickled with myself that I had, indeed, not only purchased yeast, but effectively made her 5-minute bread recipe so I posted on facebook that the dough was in the fridge 'rising.' Within a minute or two, Alice posted that if I had the dough "rising" in the fridge I needed to remove it immediately and let it 'rise' on the counter. Whew. Crisis averted.

And then came the moment later in the day when I had to take the big batch of dough, that had safely risen on the counter thanks to Alice, and make it into an individual loaf on its own special wooden cutting board that I dug out of the recesses of my cupboard.

I'll admit that I had a panic attack right there in my kitchen. I mean, I dug in and it was just one big sticky mess of goo. More clung to my hands than I could possibly imagine, and there was just no way on earth that I could tuck and roll that tiny ball of goodness and make it into a pretty little loaf.

Alice came to the rescue again, this time via email, and assured me that it would be fine and to just do the best I could and it would all work itself out in the oven. And she was right.

And so, without further adieu, here are some terribly lit, poorly taken pictures of my very tasty bread.

This next one especially looks like a farm animal.

And this next one shows a rather large dip, more like a ski-slope in Colorado, than an artisan loaf of bread.

I can't say my rosemary and olive oil bread "looked all pretty like" as it really did look more like a dead chicken on the side of a mountain, but it was extremely yummy and I think I might be onto a new hobby. Because I need another hobby. {*smile*}

Bread making 101.

Now to work on how to make it look all pretty like.

On Owning Reptiles

2012-01-10T13:30:00.001-06:00

{terrible photos included - every time I thought to take them it was pitch dark and I just wanted to get this post up and running}

The funny thing is, during my 3 year stint in Indonesia, I had FREE geckos {called cicuks} all over my house. And I'm so not kidding. On my window screens {and my house was basically all window screens}, running hither and yon around my house, sometimes falling from the ceiling onto my table. Probably running over top of me while I slept. This is not an exaggeration. I promise and have lots of Irian friends that can testify to the craziness of cicuks.

I remember the first meal I had over at a fellow ex-pat's home the night I landed in Irian Jaya, Indonesia. These missionaries, who were complete strangers to me, had been in Indo forever so not much phased them.

Over the course of our meal the electricity went out {as in pitch black, in an instant and out of nowhere} and it was like no one even noticed. I mean truly, I could not see my hand in front of my face it was THAT dark. Conversation continued. People were passing this and that, eating off their plates. Someone probably got up and went to the bathroom for all I know. But I wouldn't know because I COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

No-one seemed the least bit frightened. It was SO bizarre. I kind of went with the flow on that one and figured if they were scared I'd hear it in their voices. And I didn't. So I jumped in and said, "Pass the rice" in English while they chatted away in Indonesian. All the while sweating because it was my first night on the equator and they were all bundled up in sweatshirts, because apparently {and I did find this out in the coming months} your body does get used to the heat and when the sun goes down, the temps drop and you do feel a bit of a chill. Bizarre, I know. Just trust me on it.

So the lights came back on and minutes later a very large gecko fell from the ceiling right onto the middle of our table. No lie. And I screamed rather loudly. And they all flung their heads back and chuckled and continued on eating, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I think I wanted to dry heave at the thought of a large mammal landing on our dinner table, but again, it didn't phase them so I went with it.

But I'll tell you what. I had my guard up for the rest of the meal. I mean, who knew what was gonna happen next. I half-way thought a large toucan would swoop in and drop off a small child while they all just looked and said, "Ooooh, look at the new baby." And I think my neck hurt after that meal because I sort of had this sideways-glance-up-at-the-ceiling-while-pretending-to-be-engaged-in-the-conversation-look, spying out every gecko within a five-mile radius. It was creepy, people. Very creepy.

Anyway,we are now the proud owners of two leopard geckos. I use the term proud loosely. Very loosely.

Maddie can hardly contain her excitement. Jackson is thrilled to death to have his very own "Sukki Blossom Clark" and I, well I am just praying that the darn things don't get loose and the crickets don't chirp at night.

Maddie has been pushin' for geckos since this fall.

If you promise not to tell, I'll let you in on a wee little secret. They are pretty cute. But I haven't held one yet and don't anticipate doing so in the near future. And watch out world if one of those things falls from the ceiling.

Here's Klare Kenzie:

And here's Sukki Blossom:

Reptile owner.

Never thought I'd be one.

The things you do for love!

Menu Planning {Week 1}

2012-01-09T14:18:00.001-06:00

In an effort to be a better mommy during the late-afternoon hours, I've been inspired to spend a few minutes each Sunday making a menu for the week and then sticking to it! My friend Alice is my inspiration; she's over-achieving again! {Queue Chicago's delightful song "You're The Inspiration" now.}

Having meals together as a family is top priority for me. No compromise. I simply flat-out refuse to run the rat race and miss out on quality time around the table. We're intentional. We're counter-cultural in this way. Perhaps we're a bit weird about it but I'm okay with that. We're regular, very regular, about sitting around our kitchen table, with home-cooked food. My floors might be dirty {um, they are dirty} and I would seldom pass the white glove test. But, family meals we do.

However, here's where I fail. There aren't many nights that I don't have something homemade on the table, BUT, how it gets there and the frustration level I have is another story. It goes down like this.

We get home from school around 3pm ish ... we hang out, do whatever until around 4pm ish. And then I panic and realize I don't have a clue what we're having for supper. And so I race into the kitchen, figure something out, thaw it in the micro, mix and mash and squish into a casserole dish, trying frantically to pull it together.

In the meantime, the kids are asking me questions or fighting or whatever and I keep putting them off saying, in an irritated voice, "I will help you when I'm done getting this in the oven. I have to get our supper going. Stop fighting. Get along. GO TO YOUR ROOMS!!!" Or something like that, or worse. And then their little frustration levels rise because they haven't seen me all day and here I am, too busy for them now ...

It's just not a calm, peaceful, gentle environment. And I desperately want calm, peaceful and gentle.

And you know who sets the tone for calm, peaceful and gentle? Mama.

And so if I'm being brutally honest, a lot of the stress that the 3-6pm hour brings is brought on by none other than myself.

And that needs to change. I firmly believe that sometimes our desperation leads us to change.

Back to Alice. Alice is that life-long friend that I don't see enough, but when we do see each other we sort of skip over the casual chit chat and jump right to the deep stuff. The life stuff. The struggle stuff. And so before we knew it, we were talking about our struggles being patient with children {or at least I was admitting to this} and before I knew it she was sharing this little nugget of truth that had revolutionized her parenting career.

The concept of meal planning. Ahead of time. Novel idea if you ask me!

And so, Alice and I met on Friday and I promised her that on Sunday I would give it a go and that she could email to keep me accountable on it, because we all know I work best when someone else is helping me make good changes.

So Sunday afternoon I did it. I made out my first menu. And I also asked the question on facebook, "Send me your favorite one or two crock pot recipes" and we're now well over 50 recipes and climbing. {Leave a comment on this post if you want a copy of the document I'm creating with all these yummy recipes.}

I pulled out every cookbook and recipe card and magazine-clipped recipe and dumped them all on our love seat. I grabbed a Diet Coke {who are we kidding - this was a 2 Diet Coke project} and I began.

And honestly, within about 2o minutes I found great, easy recipes. And so, without further adieu, here's my menu for the week. Not that you really care, but if it inspires you to do the same, and saves you some time coming up with some ideas, I'll share mine.

Maybe together we can help each other improve in whatever areas we need improvement. One of my many is planning meals ahead of time. So I'm making the choice to do it. Today. This week. 2012.

Week One

Monday - Almond chicken, rice, green beans

Tuesday - crock pot roast, mashed potatoes, peas, corn

Wednesday - chicken wild rice soup, bread {and I actually bought yeast for the first time since living in Indonesia, and am going to try making homemade bread in America. That might stop immediately after week one, because they do sell bread, already made, but I'm going to give it a valiant effort. I feel like showing Martha Stewart up this week. She's got nothin' on us.}

Thursday - Pizza pasta {making 2, one to freeze}, salad

Friday - Clark Cafeteria night {stole this one from Alice - aka, leftovers}

Saturday - free night, hoping the hubby might take me out for supper or order in Chinese

Sunday lunch - Salsa chicken in the crock

And there you have it. I have a great start on Week Two's menu, too, because I just kept finding little hidden recipes that seem like they'll be tasty. Each week I'm going to try to pick one of the meals to actually double the recipe so that I can freeze one casserole/dish and then cook the other one. We'll see how that goes.

So here it is, almost time to go get the kiddies from school and I know what I'm cooking for supper tonight. Get outta here!!!! I can hardly stand it I'm so excited.

And tomorrow, the "Friends of Facebook Favorite Crocker Recipes" will be ready to send your way. Let me know, on my facebook page or here, if you want a copy.

Here's to a healthier, more peaceful, calm and gentle year! We ARE going to be better versions of ourselves by the end of this year. I just KNOW it!

Super Tuesday

2012-01-03T21:17:00.000-06:00

And here's a chocolate kiss from Little Buddy to celebrate a super great day.

I don't know about you, but today was a super enjoyable day. The kids and I hit the buck theatre {see here for our new favorite find} and watched "Dolphin Tale" with a friend and her kids. A delightful little movie. We eventually landed back at their home to make cookies for our next outing, which happens to be tomorrow.

We're heading to Breakthrough Urban Ministries to bring cookies to the ladies and to hopefully have some nice visits. On a cold winter's day, we hope to spread some warmth and love.

This has been such a great vacation with the kids. Don't get me wrong, they've had some squabbles {maybe a couple or three dozen or more} ... but overall it has really been delightful and I don't want it to end. {Contrary to breaks gone by where I was counting down the days until we were back in routine. Just keepin' it real. Oh, and it's only Tuesday, so by later this week I might be singin' another tune, if you catch my drift.}

And so, we're savouring every day, enjoying each moment together.

This is a good start to a new year.

On Christmas Tree Getting

2012-01-02T23:00:00.000-06:00

I think at one point in my early adult life I had visions of gallivanting out to the forest with my husband, riding on a horse-drawn sleigh, cutting down a tree while holding a simmering cup of hot cocoa, eating Christmas cookies and then driving home with the perfect tree on top of our vehicle, all the while listening to Christmas music, watching the snow lightly fall outside our window.

And then I got married.

Just kidding. It actually went down something like this. Our first Christmas came and I all of a sudden wanted to get our Christmas tree, like pronto, and I was too impatient to wait for a weekend trip to the forest, so alas there was no forest, no saw, no lightly falling snow and no horse-drawn sleigh. I believe the temps were below freezing and I just wanted a tree. And now.

No forest but there WAS Home Depot.

And so began our Christmas Tree Getting tradition which is 12 years and running. We always {except for this year} get the tree the Monday evening after Thanksgiving. And we usually have in tow someone who is alone or needs family or who is hanging about and simply wants to join in the Clark fun.

The past 3 years, Hiyam and Mimi have joined us. The little ones run around and get into trouble.

Jack picks up trees and sets them up while Hiyam and I evaluate from a distance and then eventually, the perfect tree is picked.

And then we head home and decorate together while listening to our favorite "growing up" Christmas music.{Mine: Kenny Rogers Christmas and Amy Grant's Christmas Album. Jack's: The Ralph Carmichael Singer's Cozy Christmas album}

So that's our 'getting our tree tradition' and if you're still reading you're gonna want to give yourself a great big happy high five. Not necessarily the most exciting post, but one I wanted to get on paper for the kids so that when I'm dead and gone they'll know how our tradition started!

two thousand and twelve.

2012-01-01T22:55:00.000-06:00

It's here. I'm ready. I'm mid-stream in making changes in my life. Good changes. Me changes. The Tuesday before Christmas brought me to 19.8 pounds lost. Just point two shy of my 20 by Christmas goal. And actually, back when I joined Weight Watchers mid-October, we were asked to put our goals on a post card and they would mail them to us for a January 1st arrival. And sure enough, when we rolled into town tonight, mine was waiting and I had written "15 pounds lost in 11 weeks (which was January 1st). And so I'm a smidge ahead of the game and as focused as ever.

I didn't exercise much over Christmas so I'm not sure what to anticipate for Tuesday's weigh in, but I did have some remarkable victories over the Christmas 10 day vacay and overall did very well with my eating. My mother played a huge roll in that, simply because she wanted to see me succeed so she made the conscious choice to not bake my favorite stuff, or have my favorite Canadian chips on hand (Chedda-corn - Um, can I hear a shout out from my Canadian peeps?). I cannot imagine how hard it would have been had she not made those changes for me. It simply would have been too hard to say no to all sorts of goodies and creamy casseroles and stuff so I am forever grateful for her sacrifices in changing the things she loves to make.

Okay, back to twenty twelve. I have a lot of friends who have had crap for 2011. Like, a LOT of friends. Death, cancer, job loss, personal issues, etc. So I'm all about saying good-bye to twenty eleven and BRING ON twenty twelve.

It IS going to be a different year. I just feel it. I know God can and will do BIG things in 2012. And so I'm going to be watching for His fingerprints all over the place.

I fell asleep last night realizing that I have given zero thought to my 'word of the year' for 2012. {You can read here for 2009 and here for 2010 and here for 2011 for previous words from previous years.} Normally, I'm already thinking and praying about what word God would want me to 'have' for the year. I'll be doing a post later this week on last year's word and how that went....

As is quite typical for my organized, task-oriented, focused self, I find myself extremely motivated right now to get strict on our budget, set up the chores for the kids, put away the Christmas decorations, deep clean the house {I don't really mean this one but I figure if I say it enough, MAYBE I will yearn to deep clean one day?}.

And so, Monday morning will soon be here. January 2nd of a new year. A new day. A new me. And a new you if you feel like it!

I'm anxious to be free of the burden of extra weight, which I know affects every area of my life, as my friend Cleary and I were talking about just today. I'm anxious to make serious changes in how I parent, showering my kids in gentleness and kindness. I'm anxious to continue on my photography journey, which I am still so VERY excited to be on. I'm anxious to get to know God better.

I'm anxious to give more and love deeper and experience richer joy and live more passionately and care less about what others think {in a good way of course} and more about what God thinks. I'm anxious to live out loud and on purpose and with intention.

I'm just excited tonight. Maybe it's my new fancy pants hair conditioner that is supposedly -- even as I type -- making the frizzies go away.

And so, because they say that all good posts must have a picture or two, I'll leave you with a couple from this past week up in Canada.

Jack is just LOVIN' getting his picture taken, eh?

Mom and Jackson

Dad and the kids

We were freezing but I think the last picture of the four of us was taken at Easter this past year, so one of my twenty twelve goals is to get more family photos with moi in them.

And here I am, 19.8 pounds lighter with a whole lot more to lose but I'm focusing on good choices every day and I'm making the conscious effort to not focus on the pounds left to lose. As a wise woman once told me {that would be you, Mom}, it took a lot of time to gain the weight, so it will take time to take it off. And as a disclaimer, I share this paragraph to hopefully encourage you, if you need encouragement in weight junk. Because if I can take off some pounds, I just know, without a doubt, that you can too.

Be hopeful. Be encouraged. We can do this.

Whew, that's a very close up picture, but, I felt cute in it {which is not necessarily a given. Ever.} so thought I'd post it.

And so I hope that as Monday rolls around you'll be motivated and excited to make the changes that you need to make. Whatever those are. Let's be a better version of ourselves come this time next year, 'kay?

Here's to a kickin' twenty twelve.

A Magical Christmas 2011

2011-12-28T20:47:00.000-06:00

There is something quite magical about Christmas through the eyes of little ones.

The hopeful looks out the window, wishing upon a star that it would snow on Christmas day.

The incessant questioning, "Is it time to open the presents yet?"

The reading of the Luke 2 Christmas Story by Madison.

{And as a child I hated having to sit through the entire chapter, which seemed like an absolute eternity, with presents waiting to be opened and yet now as an adult, it is my favorite part of the day. Reading the true meaning of Christmas. The real gift. The real reason that we actually celebrate Christmas. That baby Jesus came to give us True Hope and True Peace and True Love and True Joy.}

The mound of gifts that make the kids' eyes wide with anticipation. The sheer delight in a gift so wanted and then revealed as wrapping paper was opened.

{And this next photo was not staged - she was THAT excited about getting the cowboy boots she had eyed back in October.}

The thank you hugs that followed each and every gift. Unsolicited.

{As a parent I am full aware of my daily mess-ups but I have to say, I have worked very, very hard at grooming appreciative children so it is pure joy and fulfillment when your kids are appreciative all on their own. Unlike Jackson's not-so-stellar performance Christmas Eve night while opening up stockings.}

It's days like today that make the dog days of parenting worth every second. What a magical day it was and it ended on such a sweet note. As I was doing the quiet tucking-into-bed routine our sweet Little Buddy whispered into my ear, with his arms around my neck, "Thanks, mom, for my gifts. I love every one of them."

A Little Bit Tighter

2011-11-25T20:41:00.001-06:00

I wasn't expecting this. I started editing work on this family's photo shoot and pulled this one up and instantly burst into tears. I mean it hit me out of nowhere.

I think it's because little Brooks' story could have ended so much differently.

You see, back in September Brooks stopped breathing at just a couple of months old. {It's so much more complicated then that but I'll just keep it basic for now.} He was rushed to emergency. He coded. {A few times over the course of his hospital stay.} He was at Children's Memorial for 17 days with many complications. It was a frightening time for Kat and Bob. And the rest of us that love that little family.

{Background -- Kat is like a little sister to me. Her family was one of several that took me in as one of theirs when I lived in Indonesia. We have lots and LOTS of stories to tell, but I'll save those for another day. It has been fun to watch her as a teen, and then a college gal, and then she got married to a super great guy and the perfect fit for her, and now as she has two little ones: Silas (almost 2) and Brooks, just four months old}

I remember going to the hospital to stay with him for a couple of hours so that Kat and Bobby could have a little break and I walked in, took one look at Brooks with all the tubes and machines and beeps and had to turn my back to try to control my sobbing. It was a sight I will never forget. Honestly, it was terrifying and I just thought, "No parent should have to see their child like this." I literally felt sick for Kat and Bobby and what they were facing.

Kat tells the story that during their stay in the NICU, they felt that prayers {and their faith} carried them through. Overall they felt a sense of God's peace even amidst this incredible storm. And honestly, from the outside looking in, I saw their peace. It was genuine. It was real. Not that they weren't scared. But there's a verse in the Bible that says that God's peace passes ALL understanding. And they were living that out. God's peace in them. Hard to explain. Beautiful to see.

And Kat shared that now they have this new reality that all that really matters is loving others and sharing about Jesus and how He can change lives. When they were in the hospital they of course were in the same room with other families with very sick little babies and they realized that maybe part of why Brooks was there was so that they could walk with these other families through their struggles.

I know that this Thanksgiving week, as I reflect on 2011 and what I am most thankful for, at the top of my list is the fact that this little miracle guy is here. I do believe with all my heart that God has very big plans for Brooks and I will wait eagerly to see God's fingerprints all over him, as his little life unfolds.

Sometimes you grab up those babes and squeeze just a little bit tighter, not taking one hug for granted.

Thanking God for His loving hands of protection over sweet Brooks' life. And thanking God for Kat and Bobby's incredible example of clinging to Jesus in the midst of a fierce, frightening storm. You both amaze me and I know it is because of what God has done {and is doing } in your lives. To God be all the glory.

Oh, and P.S., Kat you look stunning in these photos. And Bobby, you're lookin' rather dapper, too! Love you both so very much.

And, could your boys BE any cuter? Nope.

On A Long Journey {Weight Watchers Week 4}

2011-11-15T13:27:00.000-06:00

*I share this post ONLY to offer hope to anyone out there who might feel HOPELESS in her/his own personal weight journey. My motivation is purely to encourage you to keep at it, or maybe to start working on it, or to not give up if you've plateaued. I'm not looking for pats on the back or 'way to go Alysa' ... this truly isn't about me. I told the Lord four weeks ago, when I joined Weight Watchers {again}, "I'll share this journey on my blog as long as it gives people HOPE and points them to YOU, not me." God has been very good to surround me with several close friends who are cheer leading me through this long, long journey and for that I am forever grateful. FOREVER. But sharing in this public forum is about you.

As a background, you can read my most recent post on feeling weary in general and hopeless in the weight department. I am in a much better place, four weeks later. Much better. You can read it here.

I know you can also find my weight struggles in numerous other places on my blog, over the years, which I suppose makes me feel a ~~little bit~~ very embarrassed that I haven't gotten this under control and have tried for so many years. But, that's part of the authenticity - sharing the good, the bad, the ugly. I've failed a lot. I've had some successes. But I share the journey none-the-less.

So here we go.

Four weeks ago today I purchased a gym membership. I also walked into Weight Watchers, stepped on the scale and proceeded to cry. The little lady weighing me in was kind enough to give me a hug on the spot and remind me that my step up onto the scale was the first step in dealing with my over-eating and weight gain. I was in the right place. I took a deep breath, put the layers of clothing back on that I had taken off prior to stepping on the scale, {Because every ounce counts, people. Every ounce counts.} and sat in the meeting with tears in my eyes.

The number on the scale was big my friends. Very big. And I'm short. Very short. So you do the math.

But as I sat in the meeting I knew that with God's help, the prayers of my friends and family, and my hard work, the number could get smaller, week-by-week.

And so I have done some hard work the past four weeks. Heading to the gym each week day. Tracking the food that I'm eating so that I'm conscious about what is going into this mouth of mine. Making difficult choices when we've gone out to eat and then been pleasantly surprised at how good a salad can taste with the dressing on the side. SHOCKING. WHO KNEW? I've been working hard and God has blessed my hard work.

Today, {the 4th week, the 4th weigh-in day}, I lost 1.8 pounds. Add that to my weight losses the last 3 weeks and the total is 14 pounds lost. I did some measuring that first week and then again this morning and am thrilled that I've lost 4.5 inches in my tummy alone, along with a couple inches off my hipster area and other inches in other areas.

That feels really good. Really, really good. A lot to show in 4 weeks. That gives me hope and I HOPE that that gives you HOPE too. Because if you struggle with weight issues, I absolutely guarantee that if you and I sat down over a Diet Coke, I would understand exactly where you're coming from. I'd relate to the excuses you tell yourself about why you can't start today and maybe next Monday. I'd KNOW your struggles internally and externally and I would say, "If I can do it, YOU CAN TOO." I promise.

Oh, I promise.

I think for me, I had to get to the point in my mind where I was ready to do THE HARD WORK that it takes to get off the weight that took months, if not years, to put on. Believe me, those of us that struggle with weight issues know the answers to our problems. We know we're overweight. We know what we should and shouldn't eat. We know that we should be working out. We know that we should drink more water. We know we shouldn't have the piece of cake that is being offered to us again. We KNOW. We really do know.

BUT, until that knowledge intersects with the deep desire to make changes, it won't happen and the reality is, it only gets worse.

And so for me, I think that knowledge and deep desire finally intersected about a month ago. I was ready. Head ready. My heart was in it. I was physically and emotionally ready to do the hard work. And I was emotionally ready to tackle the long, SLOW journey of losing my accumulated weight. If you know me at all, you know I'm speedy in everything I do, so the idea of spending months and months on my weight loss project was VERY, VERY daunting. Truly, I don't think you can understand how daunting that is unless you've walked this journey.

But, I'm choosing to change my thinking. I'm thinking one day at a time. One meal at a time, really. I absolutely can.NOT go to the big picture of how much weight needs to be lost or how many months of work that will be. One day. One meal. One bite of food, actually.

I wish I had a picture to share with this post, but for now I can't because I'm simply too embarrassed of my before picture. But when I get more weight off I will show my before picture. I promise. I have one. It's awful to look at but I know it will be a proud day when my before and after are side-by-side. And hopefully that will spur yet another person on to doing the hard work.

So I leave you with this. If I can do this, you can too. I promise. And if you've never given Weight Watchers a try, I highly, HIGHLY recommend it. It is SO do-able. I'm not depriving myself of anything and sometimes you need to know that about a program before you sign up. I've had pizza these last four weeks. And french fries. And ice cream. {In very small quantities} There's no way I would sign up for any program that says I can never have those things because THAT would be setting myself up for failure and disaster. Rather, with Weight Watchers, I plan ahead, I save my extra points, I eat in moderation. I can have anything I want to eat, I just can't have everything. And I need to be smart about what I eat. If you have any questions I'd love to chat and no, I am not getting paid by Weight Watchers for this commercial. Their program is healthy and do-able and it brings results and it truly is changing how you look at food and making healthy eating a lifestyle change. No starving yourself. No only eating carrot sticks and celery. I love it and can't say enough about it!

I don't know - I share this journey because I am hopeful that someone out there will decide to make changes. Or not give up. Or know that they are not alone.

If I can do this, YOU CAN TOO.

And in the meantime, I'll leave you with these beautiful butterflies, because what's a post without a picture.

Their wings are light. They're enjoying the journey. The sky knows no limit. They are ready to take off and fly.

And so am I. How 'bout you?

Orange Tigers

2011-11-09T00:26:00.000-06:00

Little Buddy and Sweet Sweets are playing soccer this fall.

Little Buddy is extremely unpredictable. Some weeks he gets out and chases the ball.

And then, this last week, we caught him sitting down on the field {numerous times}, just watching the play go by. Not the LEAST.BIT.INTERESTED in that white and black ball whizzing by his head.

And then there's Sweet Sweets. She has torn up the field.

She's hustling. She's in there after the ball. She's makin' us proud. And the athlete buried deep inside me is secretly happy that I'm sitting on the sidelines at my childrens' sporting event, yelling at the refs. I'm KIDDING. I'm not yelling at the refs. I'm not THAT parent.

But here's a little drama for ya. THAT parent was there this past week. And I will say that when the very mean dad a few lawn chairs over was yelling unkind things to his daughter {about her playing abilities}, I did turn and give him a {very} disgusted look and then promptly turned and loudly cheered for his daughter {by name}, telling her she was doing a fantastic job. {I refrained from yelling, "DON'T BELIEVE A WORD YOUR MEAN DAD SAYS. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT AND HE'S A JERK!!!" Don't yell mean things to 6 year olds mister or I WILL let you know that I'm not happy about it and I will stand up for your child.}

Mama Bear came out and it wasn't even my child. I'm terrible.

Oh well, I just couldn't help myself.

OH BOY. Maybe we'd best stick to crafty events like the pottery and jewelry making class or I might end up in a fist-fight with the mean dad.

So there you go. The good, t

he bad, the big bad Orange Tigers! Rock 'um, sock 'um, knock 'um dead! GOOOOO TIGERS.

November 7th {Our story}

2011-11-07T22:04:00.001-06:00

I love November 7th. It's a HUGE, HUGE day in my story. In our story. Jack and me.

November 7th. 1998. I was in Indonesia.

And Jack was in Chicago. {Sorry, no pic of Jack in Chicago}

November 7th, 1999. I was in Michigan. Jack was in Michigan.

I don't have time to tell it today, BUT, it is forthcoming. Because I want it fully documented for Maddie and Jackson.

Curious?

Work Out. Weigh In.

2011-10-15T01:00:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks/months, if you were standing on the outside looking into my heart/life/soul, you'd find one discouraged chickie {off and on}.

For whatever reason, life has accumulated and has left me feeling weary and heavy-hearted and failure-laden. There have been plenty of days when I just wanted to roll over and forget that I was a mommy or a homeowner with home management responsibilities. I've not wanted to do another load of laundry or wash another dish. I've felt like my life seemed ridiculously irritating and that never feels good. I've felt completely overwhelmed by mundane living. As in so much to do that just gets immediately undone that I don't know where to start so I find the couch, plop down on it, and eat some potato chips.

Just too overwhelmed.

I just haven't been able to focus on the positive. All the things I'm doing well or right or good enough. Somehow, at the end of each day, I was narrow-sighted enough to simply catch glimpses of the moments where I screwed up. Or felt empty or discontent. Again. Or so it felt.

Somewhere along the way I sort of just fell into feeling sorry for myself, feeling like I was fat and lazy and not doing a great job at being a mommy {or anything else for that matter} and not able to keep up with the house work and the cooking and the grocery getting and the bed-making and the floor washing and the errand running. And the children. Oh, how the little people in my life have been at each other which leaves me feeling absolutely exhausted. 100% of the time. {But they sure are cute!}

With a to do list a mile long and growing. Just generally feeling incapable of pulling it all together.

Every couple of years {give or take a couple of years} these feelings hit, and when they do, I tend to wallow a bit and come to the end of myself, and then eventually I'm able to, with God's help and the help of those I'm closest to, figure out what's going on in my little head/heart, put some solutions to the problems in place and climb out of the valley. {How was that for an incredibly long sentence?}

And I'll admit this time the climb out feels harder and higher. But ....

Somewhere about a week and a half ago, it hit. It was time to "buck up little camper" put on the hiking boots so-to-speak, and put one foot in front of the other and begin the long climb upwards. Time to start making good choices. Healthy choices. Wise choices. Positive choices. With my thoughts and actions. With my time. With my energy. I needed a complete overhaul.

And below I leave you with a completely random picture of corn. I love it and took it at a recent photo shoot, which, by the way, has been a highlight for me in the dark times of late. Photo shoots that is. Not corn.

So this week if you were riding along in my mini-mini, you'd see a totally different me. And maybe secretly you'd think I was a little bit looney tunes and a whole lot of mid-life crisis. {Perhaps.}
Let's see.

Got my hair coloured and cut {way over-due for both and very pleased with the results. Very pleased. And was happy to hear both the color gal and the hair cut guy confirmed my crazy hair issues - course, very thick, very gray right up front, frizzy, etc. Sometimes it just feels good for the professional to acknowledge that you have tricky hair and no wonder I can't do it myself! Ever feel that way?}

Had my eyebrows threaded {for those of you that don't know, it's like plucking your eyebrows with thread and it hurts but they say you need a little bit of pain in the beautifying process.}

Signed up for Weight Watchers. As in, go to the meetings. Have a random stranger weigh me and actually know that number. {Terrifying but at this point, necessary.}

Signed up for a gym membership. {Getting the photo i.d. picture taken and as I looked at it for the first time, saying to the ~~skinny~~ girl that took my picture, "And this is EXACTLY why I need to be here. Oh mercy." She was nice enough to do the kind, "Oh stop, you look great." And as I turned and walked away I thought, "NO really, lady, I wasn't fishing for a compliment. I really need to be here." And that's okay. It's reality.}

Got some books to read on parenting strategies that I will read while at the gym. It wouldn't be me if I wasn't multi-tasking. {If these books/strategies don't work on sibling rivalry issues I think I might just check myself into the nearest psych ward, because I'll be there soon if this doesn't get under control ASAP.}

I share all of this because through the last few years, when I share these types of posts I get all sorts of private emails and facebook messages about how it touched you, my sweet readers. Sometimes it just takes someone else sharing, out loud, her struggles, so that you don't feel all alone. My prayer is that by sharing all the junk in this post, you'll know you're not alone. That you'll know others out there struggle with their weight. Or their looks. Or their parenting. Or discouragement. Or feeling like a failure. Or feeling discontented for a season.

I blog for a lot of different reasons.

It's a cheap therapy session for me. When I write, I process.
It's my memory bank for kid stories and thoughts on parenting because I think I will remember the cute little stories but I just don't. Like take this one. The other day Jackson says to me, "Mom, do people have yellow hair because they eat a lot of mustard?" So cute! But I won't remember it 3 years from now unless I write it down.
It's a place where I can share my love and passion for photography and the journey I'm on in my Water Street Dreams business.
It's a place where I can be me. Out loud. And hopefully, in the process of being me, you'll be you. You'll feel safe and not alone and encouraged. A lot of people dog blogs. And that's okay. They're entitled to their opinion. I happen to be quite inspired by the blogs I follow.

And I hope over here, in my corner of the world, you'll leave feeling encouraged. Like we're in this together. Whatever 'this' is that we might have in common. Or if we have nothing in common, perhaps it will open your eyes to another point of view. Another way of doing life.

All that to say, as I told my hair colourist and stylists today, that I had joined Weight Watchers. And joined a gym. And was turning over a new leaf effective immediately, I thought I'd best share that information with you, my dear friends. My family.

Because I don't even know them but it's sort of just oozing out of me right now so I had to quick get home and jot you a little note about it all. Hope has a way of doing that. My hope is that through my blog you never look in, from the outside, thinking I have the perfect life or that I have it all together. So that's why, from time-to-time, I share the raw stuff. So that you have the outside looking in perspective that I'm on this journey, doing the best I can, asking God to help fill in all the gaps, traveling with my friends and my family, whether in person or in blog-land.

All of that mush to say that I do feel hopeful. I feel motivated. I can do this. I need to do this. I have to do this. I will do this.

And maybe today you need to hear that YOU can do this. Whatever your "this" is. And that, my friends, is all she wrote. It's time to go work out. And weigh in. And jump over the hurdles in front me.

OH, and in other completely random news, Jackson informed me yesterday that he wants to be a pig for Halloween. As in, one of these little guys...

I wish I could be overly ambitious and make him a piglet outfit from scratch. But I'm going to be too busy working out and weighing in to re-learn how to thread the bobbin on my sewing machine. If only my mother could whip me up a pig outfit, size 5T and get it in the mail ASAP so it would arrive all the way from Canada on time. A girl can dream.

Thanks for stopping by today! I hope you're leaving encouraged. And full of hope. Because you know what, if I can make necessary changes, I know you can too.

DC 1 and 2 ... {As in Diet Coke and Door County 2011}

2011-10-12T16:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, if you've been around here for long, you know that DC 1 is Diet Coke from McDonald's. Hands down, the.BEST.ever Diet Coke.

Wanna know my next favorite DC? Door County, Wisconsin. As in Peninsula State Park, Fish Creek, Wisconsin.

Oh how I love me a good DC. 1 AND 2. Maybe next year I shall stage a photo of me with DC 1 and 2 together. That will be lovely.

We just arrived back home last night after another incredible Door County weekend. And this one involved temps in the 70s, a little wee bit of a chill in the evenings to make a campfire necessary. Friends that I love very dearly. Traditions that are 7 years and running. The only missing ingredient you ask? The Hallers. Bops and Mor Mor. They couldn't make it this year but next year they'll be back. We missed them deeply and thought of them the entire weekend long.

We hiked up to Eagle Tower. Stunning view.

The amphitheatre in the woods was visited by our large clan {we had to be pushing 70 people this year. Anyone get a head count?} We hiked to the lighthouse and along the beach. We did night hikes with an ipad that showed us the constellations. And most of us verbalized how we never really can see how the stars actually make up a man on a horse with a bow and arrow in his hand. But we believe the folks of long ago that made them up. And the ipad proved it. So there.

The kids love throwing rocks in the water. Over and over and over again.

Maddie has gained much independence and this weekend she was free to do a lot of roaming. Hence, very few photos of her time in Door County. I suppose next year I shall have to sneak up on her and snap a few when she doesn't know I'm around. She loved walking the dogs that were there. She desperately wants a dog.

Me, not so much.

Jackson, sweet little Jackson, fell on his scooter about three hundred and forty-seven times. And his legs and arms and even his back have proof of it.

Found that out in the shower this morning. No wonder he was crying. Half his body was left on the pavement near our site.

Just a few quick pics from our Columbus Day weekend.

Group breakfast with about 37 pounds of bacon. 312 pancakes. 70 people.

{I might be off on my numbers but think big people. Think big.}

This next one may or may not be my husband hitching a ride on the back of a mini-van.

I love flowers. I mean, I really love flowers. Especially in the gorgeous late afternoon sun.

The lady on the left is a little bit crazy and a whole lot of fun.

If you promise to keep a secret I'll let you in on one. We might have lost hedgie {see below} at DC. And Jackson doesn't know yet. Oh boy.

This little guy kept peeking his head out and then he'd see my big zoom lens and tuck back inside. I do love wee little chippies.

My friend Julie made these for her campsite. She needs to make some for me for next year. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Blue water. Blue skies. And a white sailboat. Seems perfect to me.

This next photo. Hello perfect little boy. THAT is his natural smile - his eyes are smiling. LOVE this one.

Julie, the banner lady from above, rocked out with the henna. Second year for this tradition.

Love.

Chalkboard sign courtesy of crazy lady above. Very fun addition. I wonder what new 'toys' will appear next year?

Here's crafty Julie doing henna.

That's all for now. One of my favorite weekends of every year. I'm already wondering what our 10 year Dour County Anniversary will hold. A girl can dream!

Wiggle Your Tail...

2011-10-06T06:49:00.000-05:00

So I think that these days, as much as I want to blog and terribly miss blogging, it's just not happening because there are simply only so many hours in each day ...

But what I can do is throw a favorite picture up each day {maybe, we'll see how long that lasts} just to say hello.

Today's picture is how I think a lot of mama's feel at the end of a long week. Or maybe at the beginning of a new day. Sometimes we need to just lay down and let the kiddos fend for themselves. If only it were this easy:

{*photo taken at a recent photo shoot}

Happy Thursday.

Choose joy.

Wiggle your behind!

On Nurses.

2011-09-20T14:03:00.000-05:00

I've been very fortunate through the years. My only hospital stays involved birthing kid one and kid two and I was actually blown away then by the amazing nurses I had. I think in my heart of hearts I would love to be a nurse just from the 'helping' people aspect of it, but the reality is, I really can't do bodily fluids. Of any type. I just can't. I even struggled at times with my own kids' fluids. I remember the time that Jackson had THE blow out of ALL blow outs. I happened to be with my dear friend Cleary, and as I began the process of cleaning things up, all the while dry-heaving and gagging, she volunteered to take him and deal with the mess. Is that a great friend or what?

Anyway, you get the picture. Nurses have a dear spot in my heart and I have the HIGHEST regard for them. Every one of them. I've had them as clients over at Water Street Dreams. I have dear friends as nurses, {all over the globe} and one of those dear friends was working today and came up to check on us, simply because she cares so deeply about others. I looked at her and said, "I really don't know how you do it?" And I really don't, especially at a Children's Hospital. Whew. Make me sob.

I have dear friends who have reaped the benefits of amazing nurses caring for their children. Nurse Jenny comes to mind as I think about one of Grayson's favorite nurses and how highly Sara thinks of her {and all of the nurses they've had!}

As I type, I'm sitting in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit. I took one look at the baby I was visiting and had to turn my head and cry.He's so little. The tubes. The machines. The blinking lights. The flashing numbers. The beeps. The zig-zagged lines across countless screens. The I.V. bags. The thermometers and gloves and washing stations.

And then I watched the three nurses surrounding the babe. Lovingly doing their jobs. Carefully. Gently. Seriously. Nurse "M" was amazing. She loved on the little fella, changing his diaper, tucking in the tubes so he didn't pull them out. Being around her for less than 5 minutes I was able to tell that she has such a huge, compassionate heart. At one point, it seemed like the little baby was struggling a bit so with tears in my eyes I walked over to Nurse "M"'s station and said, "Can you just come check on him to make sure he's okay?" And without skipping a beat she said she would and came right over and helped the baby settle down. She loves her job. I just know it. She was so thoughtful in engaging me in conversation, realizing that I was having a hard time seeing the little one I was there to visit.

I'm not sure why I share all this other than to just say I have the greatest respect for nurses and I've just added Nurse "M" to the list. I think they have an incredibly difficult job. I'm grateful that my friends are in good care with the nurses at their hospital.

I sometimes wonder if my Maddie might end up being a nurse one day. And if she doesn't, I'll be so fine with that and I would never pressure her to do so, but just knowing her little personality makes me wonder if some day,

she might be Nurse "M" to a family in need.

Cindy and My No Name Friend...

2011-09-14T11:59:00.000-05:00

So friend in the middle of the picture above made me swear on the Holy Bible that I would not put her name attached to her picture on my facebook, on my blog, on the internet ... nowhere. She's a little bit psychotic that way. She said I could put her picture but no identification allowed. So being the good friend that I am, here she is, with no name and for the remainder off this post I shall call her "no name friend." So there.

Now mind you this friend still has a party line for a phone and lives out in the middle of nowhere, and has very slow dial up internet connection, so I'm not sure how she would ever even KNOW if I included her name on the internet. But nevertheless, you shall remain nameless dear no name friend. Now my other dear friend, on the right of the picture above is Cindy and she's not afraid of the world.wide.web. Not one little bit. And isn't she adorable, too!

I love these gals and this picture just makes me smile.

As do the pictures below. Cindy had asked that I do a photo shoot with her kids when I was up in Canada in August, back at her camp {translation - incredible cabin that her husband Tiny is making himself, from scratch!, in the middle of amazing Canadian beauty, in the middle of nowhere - that photo shoot will be blogged shortly}.

So Jack, Cindy, her hubby Tiny, and my friend with no name and her hubby with no name, were sitting around while I was chasing Gracie and Johnny all over their property and the three of them were lovingly calling me the "child whisperer" because apparently I was getting Gracie Mae to warm up in front of the camera like they had never seen.

At one point I had Gracie Mae on this rowboat saying things like, "Simon Says put your hand behind your head, Gracie!" And she would, the cooperate sweet girl that she was!

So friend with no name was making fun of me {as we have made fun of each other for decades so she's allowed} so I insisted that she get up off her chair and come over and work her magic with the rowboat!

And voila, these were what transpired from her mini-on-the-spot photo shoot, which is what she gets for makin' fun of the photographer.

And guess what - she's gonna be a grandma soon. Is she one hot tamale or what? If she'd only join the 21st century and get on facebook I do believe any of these would do for her profile picture.

Friend with no name and my dear friend Cindy are so loved and so special to me. I think I had been out of the car maybe 1.2 seconds and we were instantly laughing. About who knows what.

But laughter absolutely characterizes our friendship.

I love that these girls know me from when I was little.

We have that thirty-five year history together.

OH MERCY.

Thirty-five years together.

YIKES.

And friend with no name is gonna be a GRANDMA. Get OUT of here....

Love you both.

On Today Being a New Day

2011-09-13T12:14:00.000-05:00

I'm mildly optimistic that today might be a better day with the little people in my life. I'm hopeful for bluer skies and yellower flowers.

I'll be honest {which is what I try to be over here in blogville}, I'm feeling rather overwhelmed by the sibling arguing/fighting/name-calling and a general lack of peace in our home due to said conflict.

I blubbered all over Jack's frisbee shirt last night saying things like, "I can't take one more minute of the kids fighting" and "It starts the second they wake up and doesn't finish until they argue for the last time in the bathroom at bedtime, about who gets the toothpaste first."

And so as I sat in weariness brought on by my children in conflict and my inability to effectively deal with my children in conflict, I was thankful that I didn't have to go this alone. I have a God who does care about my weariness and has promised to help ... "He is faithful to his promises and loving toward all he has made." {Psalm 145:13}

Isaiah 40:30-31 says "Even youths grow tired and weary {I consider myself a youth over here even though my first digit starts with a four} and young men {and women} stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I also am fortunate enough to have an amazing husband. After he let me carry on and get snot everywhere last eve, he had a brilliant idea. Let's come up with a plan to work on their behavior. It's unacceptable and it needs to change. Starting tomorrow. He even suggested that he could wake them up and we could talk right then and there. I said, "NO WAY. I FINALLY JUST GOT THEM TO SLEEP. As overwhelmed as I am, it can wait 'til tomorrow."

And so we came up with a few ideas that we'll try today. And tomorrow. And the next. I'll be honest, it wasn't like I was jumping up and down with hope that things can change because the reality is, I've been singing this song for a couple of years now. But, there was a smidge of hope in my weary little heart last night as I crawled into bed.

And that hope really had less to do with our plan and more to do with God's promise.

One of my all-time favorite verses in this season of parenting...

Isaiah 40:11 says "He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

That's me. I'm His little lamb. He's there and wants to carry me close to His heart. He wants to gently lead me, the gal that has young ones in tow. Will I let him? Will I take God up on His promise?

I'm thankful that I have a God that I can count on when I feel overwhelmed and at a loss. God is there and He is so very interested in my today.

And that fact that my today can be a new day.

With new strength.

And new hope.

His Hope.

School's Off to a Grand Start (2011 First Day School)

2011-09-12T13:56:00.000-05:00

The babes are growing up. Maddie started 4th grade Tuesday. She's one number away from being a double-digit in age.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

And then there's Little Buddy who started all-day-every-day kindergarten {you can read more about that over here.} and when asked, "Who is starting kindergarten today?" his hand shot super high into the sky!

There was great excitement the first morn. I got my act together and made pancakes and bacon {pathetic, but that really is a BIG deal over here because we're a 'fend for yourself cereal kind of family' during the week, and I'm so okay with that.}

As is typical, we do the pictures outside, and I was running late so I had no time to get creative. So it is what it is.

Aren't they something cute?

And Jackson must be a photographer's son because at one point he says, "Okay Mom, get a picture of this." And he strategically placed his lunchbox on the sidewalk, all on its own.

And then there was the need to take his new backpack photo, also strategically placed. All on its own.

And THEN, I could resume taking pictures of my children.

Jack and I had to take two cars to school because we weren't sure how time-consuming the whole dropping Jackson off for kindergarten would be, so Jack took Maddie and I had Jackson. And on the way, Jackson was visibly nervous.

Nervous as a cat near a tub full of water.

And at one point his sweet little voice piped up from the backseat and he whispered,

"Do you think Mrs. Shayne will be mad if I puke?"

Oh no, precious.

And he proceeded with,

"Because I feel like puking right now."

Oh poor little guy. At that point I said a quick prayer and it went something like this ... "Lord, help me to keep it together because I'm THIS close to losin' it and Jackson needs his mama to be strong so that he doesn't lose it."

We rolled up to school, running a wee bit behind schedule so as we zipped into line we were ushered right into school. We stopped to say goodbye to Maddie as she was at a different door into the school and she was chatting up a storm with her little friends from last year.

She was confident in how she looked.

She LOVED her new shoes

{aren't they cute, Alice?} and it felt like we might have turned a corner and it very well might be a grand year.

Jackson held my hand tightly, not wanting to let go.

He was quiet as a mouse.

Shy as a cucumber.

More serious than the conductor at Orchestra Hall.

All words not typically used to describe Little Buddy.

Eventually the parents were lovingly shooed out the door and as I turned back for one last look, his pathetic little sad eyes looked at me, his smile turned downward into a sad face, and he reached up his little hand to his face and motioned the slowest, weakest little bye-bye wave. Um. Break.Mama's.Heart.

I promptly left the classroom and let a few little tears slip out. But my prayer had been answered. Jackson didn't see one of those tears.

I wandered out to the car, opened up the doors and sat inside. And just sat. Feeling a bit lonely. A bit sad for Jackson's nervousness. A bit delighted with the freedom that the next 5 plus hours supplied. And back to a bit sad.

I didn't do anything too terribly exciting; groceries, straightening up the house, dishes, a little bit of Water Street Dream stuff. And the whole time I could hardly wait to go get the kids. What would their day have been like? Would Maddie come out with the "I hate school" schpeel? Would Jackson's nervousness turn into excitement as he told all about his day?

2:45pm rolled around and out came Jackson. First words out of his mouth: "I didn't make any new friends." Complete with little buddy sized scowl on his face. Wow. Didn't expect that one.

And Maddie. WOW. Maddie came out over-the-moon thrilled with her teacher. She just thought he was the.BEST.ever. She could hardly contain her excitement. Well blow my mind with a capital BLOW MY MIND.

Week number two just started so we'll see how this one goes down. I'm hopeful that Maddie's great attitude continues and Jackson's attitude shapes up. {And if you want the truth, the dark, ugly truth. I am LOVING my five plus hours of freedom. Shhhhhhhh. Don't tell the kids.}

All Day. Every day. Starting Tuesday Morning.

2011-09-03T00:22:00.000-05:00

I had a little wee bit of a panic attack tonight as I shared with our lake neighbors that Little Buddy is going to kindergarten.

All day. Every day. Starting Tuesday morning.

My feelings are all jumbled up about the whole thing. Some moments I get delightfully giddy with the thought of dropping off two children at school at 9am sharp, not to pick them up a moment before 2:45pm sharp. I secretly want to yell F.R.E.E.D.O.M. at the tippy-top of my lungs. {I have grand visions of how I shall fill my time. And those visions do not include cleaning.}

And then, there's this bigger part of me {at least it's bigger right this minute} that really doesn't want Little Buddy to go to school all day. Every day. Starting Tuesday morning.

He's too little to be gone from me all day. Every day. Starting Tuesday morning.

He's too little to sit at a lunch table and unpack his lunch and open his yogurt and time the eating part so he actually eats his lunch and doesn't miss his 20 minute lunch break. {I'm a whole lot of irritated that our school has no recess and only a 20 minute lunch.}

Of course he's not too little to drive a very real, very powerful 4-wheeler on his own, complete with gas pedal and brakes.

{Where's the disconnect in all this? I don't think he can open his cheese stick without me but I'll let him drive a motor vehicle at age 5? I've got issues.}

I really am curious to know how he will do, being gone all day every day. I guess I'll find out, eh? He's my little snuggle bunny that randomly steels away and gets his blanket from his bedroom, wanders into whichever room I'm in, and plops down on the floor, all the while snuggling with his blankie. He won't be able to do that all day. Every day. Starting Tuesday morning.

I'm not sure why I'm panicking, because believe you me, I've been waiting for this day for the last 10 years. Since about the 3rd day home from the hospital, where I was awake, off and on with Maddie all through the night. Every night. And then repeat for months on end. And then repeat when Little Buddy rolled on the scene. {And roll he did at 9 pounds 11 ounces. Thank you very much!}

So here we are. Just a few short days away from all day, every day. I wonder how ~~he'll~~ I'll survive.

Stay tuned for more. I imagine this will consume a few posts in the coming weeks.

And don't even get me started on 20 minute lunch and no recess.

Walk of Colour.

2011-08-26T06:47:00.000-05:00

Today.

Today was a really great day.

A day right from God's hand.

{I love that Mr. Bumblebee flew into my frame and I was able to catch him on film.}

I was able to do a newborn photo shoot this morning and when I first arrived, Katie, the sweet mom, handed me little Amelia and I melted. And I said to Katie, "I just can't believe I get paid to do this."

Yesterday was a particularly rough day and so to start today with holding one of God's very own miracles, the miracle of life, I just felt alive. And blessed.

And afterwards I couldn't get home to my own kids quickly enough. We grabbed PB&J and jumped in the car and headed out to the Arboretum. More for me than for them. {But they come alive there, too!}

And so, as the minutes fell into quarter hours, that fell into hours, I slowly felt yesterday's stresses and disappointments fall away. God is good like that. He knows what I need. He knew I needed for Him to show off His amazingness. That sort of has a way of putting everything into perspective. What's a rough day every now and again, eh?

And so I felt God's peace sweep over me. When I stepped out of the car and into the forest.

It all just felt better.

So I'll leave you with just a glimpse of our afternoon at the Arboretum. Our accidental colour walk that wasn't so accidental. And if you haven't purchased your yearly pass for that place, go do it. It is so worth it. {I couldn't take the time to put much order to these... oh well, that's okay, right?}

And so I testify, loudly and on purpose, that today.

He was my encouragement.

He knew what I needed.

And He does it over and over again.

Maddie's Turning nINe.

2011-07-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

**I keep telling the kids to stop growing. They must stay 8 and 5 forever. These ages are dreamy and beautiful and other than their sibling bickering {which, if we're honest, is incessant} they are delightful little creatures.

Tomorrow {today for those of you reading this on Friday}, our sweet sweets turns nine. {9} That seems positively impossible. I remember as they say, like it was yesterday, that the doctor said, "It's a girl" at the same time that Jack said, "It's Madison."

Dear Maddie Mae,

You are nine in the morning {6:40am if you want to be precise} and I really, really want you to stop growing older. Tomorrow at lunch, we'll sit around the table, having our special 'honor the birthday person' celebration where we'll each say what we love about you, especially this past year. How we've seen you grow, what character traits we see that you have developed, etc.

I'll be honest, I could take up all the time myself, telling all the things I love about you but I'll focus on just a few.

Maddie, you are a brave girl. Why just this past few weeks you have learned to water ski all on your own. You've been scared to do that for several years now {and that's okay because we all have things we're afraid to try}, but the grand ending to this little story within your bigger story, is that you faced those fears and just this month, you learned to ski. You tried and tried and didn't give up and that is something you should be VERY proud about.

Maddie, you have a really big heart. Why just this year you decided that you were going to start a knitting business to raise money so that Jackson could have his very own World Vision child to sponsor. And while the knitting is still going on, you have already raised enough money so that we now have a picture of sweet little Takudanshe AND your Florence, side-by-each on the fridge. Your heart is HUGE and the really neat this is that it has been this huge for years and years.

Maddie, you are learning new skills. Besides the water skiing, you have taken up kayaking this summer and you are really good at it. As in, you can steer and maneuver and turn around and zip along quickly and I think you've even caught a turtle while kayaking. And then there's your diving. You've gone from belly flops to beautiful dives complete with toes pointed. The skills you are learning have been so fun to watch.

And this is the year that your love for music soared. Your voice is so pretty. You love to sing in the car and we love K-LOVE, don't we? In the past month or two you said to me, very seriously, "Mom, I love singing more than reading. And you KNOW how much I love reading." WOW.

You know what sweet girl of mine? I love singing more than reading, too. And you KNOW how much I love reading. Singing has always held a special place in my heart and I can't imagine my life without music. I started harmonizing to the Gaither Trio back when I was just a little bit of a thing, and haven't stopped. All types. All paces. All decibels. All genres {except rap. Ick.} I'm taking you to Ravinia this summer, as I promised, and we will sit on our picnic blanket and listen to the music that is classical and your little heart will be moved by the music and you will fall in love with the rise and fall of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. You will be hooked. I just know it. Because that apple didn't fall far from this tree.

Maddie, at 9-years-old,
... you still love to catch turtles
... you still love your mom and dad but insist that we not call ourselves Mommy and Daddy because it's embarrassing

... you still have a flair for fashion, knowing exactly what outfits to put together. I love how you dress. You are unique and bold and I love that you wear what you want to wear and you do not care about what others think.
... you love watermelon
... you don't like school and complain often about the fact that there is no recess. {I'm with ya, babe; I can't imagine school without recess either.}
... you love Miss Iris and South Park Church
... you love being at the Lake.

... you keep asking if we could please adopt another child {a girl} and I keep saying, um, no. With a capital no. {Go see your Aunt Sarah if you want another girl in the family.}
... you like green and blue as your favorite colors
... you got glasses this past November and you look SO cute in them. Everyone says so. You can't see things at a distance very well.
... you still love going to the Botanic Gardens with me. Promise me that when I get too old to take myself, that you'll take me and push me around in a wheelchair. Please promise me that. {I'm not sure why, but writing that last sentence just made me start to sob. I'm obviously secretly afraid that I'll somehow be left in a nursing home with no visitors and no glimpse of the outdoors and that I will shrivel up and die in that atmosphere. That's a terrifying thought.}
... you love all things Chronicles of Narnia
... you love horses
... you have told me several 'secrets' this year and I will keep them always. Just between the two of us. Tucked deep inside. That's really, REALLY important to me and I pray that you always trust me enough to tell your secrets.
... you are beautiful, on the outside AND the inside.

Maddie, my prayer for you is that this coming year, as you enter 4th grade, that you will continue to develop your compassionate heart and have/find opportunities to use that heart of yours to help others.

I am praying that this year will be the year that you will develop a few more really close friendships with other girls that love Jesus so that you begin to realize the power of good friends in your life. {I'll be honest, this is a huge, HUGE deal to me and I will be relentless, the rest of your years under my roof, about the friends you hang out. I have super strong opinions about this.}
I am praying that you will live a courageous life at school, knowing when to be bold about your love for Jesus and when to quietly live out your faith so that they see that you are different and that the difference is Jesus.

I am praying that you will have a growing love for your brother. Please Lord, answer this one quickly. {for my sanity's sake}

Maddie, I am so proud of you. Of WHO you are. And of who you are becoming.

You are my sweet sweets and I will love you always. No matter what. And THIS picture above is my very favorite picture of you as you go into your 9th year, taken just two weeks ago.

I love you more than you could possibly imagine!

Love, Mom{my}

Over a Month

2011-07-18T13:33:00.001-05:00

This lil' lady has been slackin' in the blogging department. {But the beautiful thing is that blogging is not a requirement so it's okay if I slack. I do love it and miss it so I'm gonna do a quick post now and then will aim to get more regular again.}

Life has been a whirlwind since June 16th, which was the last day of school for the kids.

THIS is what I've felt like;

just tryin' to work my way out of the deep dark lage yellow bucket called my "to do" list.

Feeling oh.SO.close

And then, WHOOPS...back into the bucket I go, head barely visible...

So let me catch you up in soundbites.

From June 16th through today, July 13th, I've....

... been gone 4 out of the last 4 weekends.

... been home only 11 days and nights(out of 27 days {translation: gone 17 days)

...spent a big chunk of 4 of those 11 days at home helping a friend pack up her stuff to move to Indiana. For all she has done for everyone else, this is the least I could do. I wish I could have done more, like find her a job so she didn't have to move. The whole situation makes me terribly sad.

...been to San Diego for the first time ever, for Becca's wedding and an Irian Jaya, Indonesia reunion of sorts. {Translation: Lots of laughter and NO sleep. More on this weekend later. Many stories and photos to share.}

And little side-note on this photo below - isn't Becca one hot tamale! So stunning. She's workin' it.

...had my first wedding photo shoot ever

{and LOVED it - more on that in the coming weeks}

...started a Bible study called "Brave" by Angela Thomas and am really enjoying it.

I need it. God is my 'enough' ... my El Shaddai ... my all-sufficiency.

...I'm sticking to my summer goal of not working on the computer during the day while the kids are home. {Except for while I quickly do this post because Jackson is cooperting so nicely and Maddie is at a friend's home for the afternoon.} From everyone I talk to with older kids, they say the kids are only young once so soak it up, make them a priority. So I'm trying. {And this is a tad bit tricky for the "to do list" queen. I love that feeling of slashing through my list and at the end of the evening feeling like much was accomplished. I'm learning contentment in leaving my list undone. It CAN wait until tomorrow even if I don't FEEL like it can wait until tomorrow.}

Just this past weekend I started to feel like THIS ...

JUST ABOUT CAUGHT UP/FREE.

We were home this weekend {first for me since June 10-12th weekend} and Jack took the kids all day Saturday so I had hours in my house, cleaning the attic. Putting away the kids' WINTER clothes, {and spring and probably some from last fall if I'm being completely transparent} separating them into give away and keep. Catching up on laundry. Putting things back in their place after travel left things undone all throughout our home.

And now that I feel somewhat on top of things, I'm going to throw caution to the wind, head up to the lake for a week {tomorrow}, and party like it's 1999 for Maddie's NINTH birthday week tradition. An eleven-year and running tradition where my mom and dad come down from Canada for the week and we play, play, play.

Fun with a capital F.U.N.

Little Buddy Finished Preschool

2011-06-17T13:45:00.000-05:00

Parenting, on the flat, pot-holed streets of Chicago, has its ups and downs. This particular day, during the economic crisis our country finds itself in, along with the last day of Jackson's preschool career, finds me with a sad little heart. {In case you didn't catch it, I'm trying to mimic the opening lines of every episode of The Waltons... "In the hills of West Virginia, on Walton Mountain, during the Great Depression, life had its ups and downs. On this particular day ..."}

Today happened to be our last bike ride to school. Ever. {Next year Jackson joins his sister at her school, too far away to ride bikes.}

This next one cracks me up. He said to me, "Okay Mom, I'm going to look off this way and you take the picture but I won't look at the camera." {Well done, little buddy. Well done!}

Along the way we always find flowers to smell. Delicious.

I'm not gonna lie. I was truly saddened to see Jackson walk out of the preschool pod for the last time at 1:45pm. No more Mrs. Cribben, Mrs. Crowe or Mrs. Cacal. {I got the inside scoop tonight from Sara that as they were giving goodbye hugs to all the kids today, she hugged Jackson and whispered in his ear that she would still get to see him and she said he pulled back and his eyes got so big, showing visible relief.} He even mentioned that to me later this afternoon by saying, "I'll never see Mrs. Crowe or Mrs. Cribben again. But I'm going to get to see Mrs. Cacal again, right?" Yes, little buddy. Yes. She's in our life forever, and for that, we are happy.

Jackson {and his sensitive-hearted mother} held it together for a few minutes as the kids were dismissed. Busy snapping photos, giving hugs, arranging summer play dates. And then I caught Mrs. Cribben's eyes and knew it was time to walk over, give that final hug and say that final goodbye. And I started to cry before I even got to her. Jackson leaned into her and gave her a big hug.

And then he wandered over to hug Mrs. Crowe. {I snapped pictures through tears}.

You see, these gals have been in our lives for several years now. First with Maddie, and now Jackson. Mrs. Crowe is retiring. Mrs. Cribben is about the coolest lady around, with what quite possibly, is the biggest, most loving heart of all. So it makes us sad to think they won't be daily in our lives.

As Jackson and I, hand-in-hand, walked away from the red-colored building, with his little chin touching his chest he started to cry. I knelt down and he whispered, "I will miss my school. I don't want this to be the last day. I will miss Mrs. Cribben, Mrs. Crowe and Mrs. Cacal. I don't want to go."

I scooped him up, as any good Mama Bird would do, and let him bury his head in my neck and he just cried and cried. Which made me cry and cry. You know, sometimes as a parent you really can't lessen the pain your child is feeling, you simply apply a snuggle and a quiet "I'm so sorry little buddy" and pray that in time, their little wounded hearts will heal.

Numerous times throughout the rest of the day he would quietly approach me and say, "I'm sad it was my last day of school today, Mommy." Me too, little buddy. Me, too.

Little Buddy has a very sensitive heart. He feels deeply. He's extremely passionate and emotive. You never really have to guess what he's feeling. His emotions are not only all over his sleeves, they're down to the bottom of his socks. I love that about him.

Don't you just want to scoop them up and protect them from all the hurts the world will dish out. From all the bad things that can happen. From all the mean people. From all the difficult goodbyes?

This Mama Bird does.

We won't soon forget our preschool experience because it was superb. Top notch teachers. Top notch school. Top notch memories.

Parenting, on the flat, pot-holed streets of Chicago, has its ups and downs. This particular day, the last day of Jackson's preschool career, found both Jackson and myself feeling a little glum. But we'll be okay and before long, Jackson will start Kindergarten and I'll be crying some more.

On Turning 42.

2011-06-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

Me at three or thereabouts?

Me at ????

Today was a beautifully simple day. And I actually love beauty and simple in the same sentence. Makes for a PERFECT combination.

I asked the kids yesterday for two gifts for my birthday.

1. I wanted to sleep in. Until I woke up. Whenever that might be {just not at 6am.}

2. I wanted them to get along with each other. No arguing. No yelling at each other. No fussing. No whining.

And for the most part, they delivered. Jackson wandered up a few times to ask questions in the morning, but the good news is that he quietly left when I would say, "Go find Maddie or Daddy. They can help you." He'd wander back up a bit later and one time, for no other reason than to say, "Happy Birthday Mommy." {I love that boy, even if he wakes me up early.}

I did sleep in until 9 something. I felt like the queen.

And before long the mini-mini was packed and we were driving through McDonald's for my birthday Diet Coke, headed to the Botanic Gardens. Because Jack knows I love that place. {And I love that boy, too.}

In between the Botanic Gardens and early dinner plans, I rode my bike over to a neighboring neighborhood (how's that for redundant) and snaked my way through the 50 plus garage sales. {I love me a good garage sale.}

I arrived home and before long Denise showed up with colorful Gerber daisies, and a flourless chocolate cake and we all piled in the mini-mini once more and headed for downtown Chicago. Back in my single days, I spent almost every birthday downtown, along the waterfront, walking through the city, just soaking in the wonder of Chicago. {I love friends and flowers and cake. And I love Chicago.}

We landed at Lou Malnatti's, my personal favorite deep-dish pizza place in all of Chicago {and Jack's and Kat/Bobby's and Isaac's too, but not his beloved wife Kacie's}. Surrounded by those that I love. Little Jackson right beside me. Maddie beside him. Becky and Denise and Kat/Bobby/Silas and of course, my Jack. {Everyone around that table is family to me. I love family and Lou's.}

It was a simple pleasure day. No hoopla and that was just what I needed and wanted. I didn't take one picture today {the only reason for that was that it looked like it was going to pour the entire day and I didn't want to worry the whole time about my camera being ruined so it was just best for me to leave it behind, making for a more relaxed birthday girl.} But I won't soon forget my 42nd birthday. {I love birthdays.}

Maddie wrote me a beautiful, touching note that she didn't want me to read out loud at the table but I'll share just one of the significant lines in the note. She said, "I don't know what I would do without you, Mom." {Boy do I love that girl!}

Jack wrote me a beautiful note about our history together and how much he loves me and his notes are always extra significant. Jackson wrote me a little note that said, "Thank you for everything you do for me." Special friends emailed me notes earlier this week. A bunch of people wrote notes on facebook. {I love the written word. It IS my love language.}

And I'll wrap up this birthday post with my take on facebook. Many out there think facebook is silly or a waste or whatever. And that's fine. I, however, happen to love it. A lot of friends wished me birthday greetings from around this big world of ours,beginning last night, because it was my birthday where they were parked. Friends I otherwise wouldn't still be in contact with.I love that - connecting with significant people from my past and people that I am currently doing life with. {I love facebook and Denise thinks I might be addicted to it. She just might be right.}

So there you have it; my 42nd in a nutshell. May all my remaining birthdays be filled with my family, friends and the beauty of the great outdoors, and written notes and, yummy food and flowers!

Bonus:

Fun memory from today: Jackson wanted to sing "the birthday song" at Lou's, so we did - whisper style. It makes me chuckle to think of it, several hours later. Oh how I love my family.

HELLO DOUBLE BONUS:
Okay, get this. So we're walking after dinner, down by the Merchandise Mart and the Chicago River, and these people come up, out of nowhere and say, "Here, have some flowers. We have extra." So I excitedly blurt out: "NO WAY - it's my birthday today."

NINE DOZEN BUNCHES OF FLOWERS LATER, WE WALK AWAY.

NINE DOZEN PEOPLE. NINE DOZEN.

WELL Happy Birthday to ME!

Our home is loaded with yummy smelling flowers, all over the kitchen and dining room.

Delightful ending to a beautifully simple day.